Short Story: Max Carnage, CIA

CIA agent Max Carnage stood in an elevator watching the numbers over the door descend. The CIA’s hiring policies only allowed them to recruit agents who were over six feet tall and unnaturally good-looking. Even disguised as a janitor in a frumpy blue jumpsuit, Max was worried his broad shoulders, strong jawline, and chiseled featuresContinue reading “Short Story: Max Carnage, CIA”

Elf vs Elf: A Family Drama

Note: This story is a sequel to Elves vs Elves: A Christmas Miracle. Read this first or risk confusion.    At the age of a hundred and sixty, Princess Sciatica wasn’t technically a teenager. She was, however, the elven equivalent. She sat in the passenger seat of her father’s car, scowling out the window asContinue reading “Elf vs Elf: A Family Drama”

Jake’s New Job

Hackers always wear ski masks. I have watched enough corporate training videos to know this for a fact. I would say that these ski masks are for hiding the hacker’s identity, but they seem a little unnecessary given that hackers always work from dark basements illuminated only by the eerie green light of their computerContinue reading “Jake’s New Job”

Halloween Special: Leftover Vengeance

This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. Actually that’s total BS. Inspired by a true story… Joe had a bad habit. He forgot to eat his leftovers. The back of his fridge was full of plastic containers loaded with food in various states of decay.  ToContinue reading “Halloween Special: Leftover Vengeance”

How Polytopia Destroyed Joe’s Marriage

This story is 90% true. Before going to the altar, Joe did everything he could to prepare for his marriage. He read countless books on sustaining relationships, attended talks by expert marriage counselors, and even took an assessment with his fiancee to see where they might encounter conflict. He was committed, deeply in love, andContinue reading “How Polytopia Destroyed Joe’s Marriage”

Osa and the Bald One

Osa didn’t understand Human the way that Tango did, but she knew a few words here and there.

For instance, she knew “¡Osa Mala!” meant “You have sinned against the gods”.

“¡No coma eso!” was what Juan usually shouted before prying her mouth open. It probably meant “You must offer me a piece of your food in reparation for this sin.”