CIA agent Max Carnage stood in an elevator watching the numbers over the door descend. The CIA’s hiring policies only allowed them to recruit agents who were over six feet tall and unnaturally good-looking. Even disguised as a janitor in a frumpy blue jumpsuit, Max was worried his broad shoulders, strong jawline, and chiseled featuresContinue reading “Short Story: Max Carnage, CIA”
Note: This story is a sequel to Elves vs Elves: A Christmas Miracle. Read this first or risk confusion. At the age of a hundred and sixty, Princess Sciatica wasn’t technically a teenager. She was, however, the elven equivalent. She sat in the passenger seat of her father’s car, scowling out the window asContinue reading “Elf vs Elf: A Family Drama”
Hackers always wear ski masks. I have watched enough corporate training videos to know this for a fact. I would say that these ski masks are for hiding the hacker’s identity, but they seem a little unnecessary given that hackers always work from dark basements illuminated only by the eerie green light of their computerContinue reading “Jake’s New Job”
The Council had the idea that science was a kind of magic that could both instantly solve any problem and backup any claim they chose to make.
This story is 90% true. Before going to the altar, Joe did everything he could to prepare for his marriage. He read countless books on sustaining relationships, attended talks by expert marriage counselors, and even took an assessment with his fiancee to see where they might encounter conflict. He was committed, deeply in love, andContinue reading “How Polytopia Destroyed Joe’s Marriage”
Osa didn’t understand Human the way that Tango did, but she knew a few words here and there.
For instance, she knew “¡Osa Mala!” meant “You have sinned against the gods”.
“¡No coma eso!” was what Juan usually shouted before prying her mouth open. It probably meant “You must offer me a piece of your food in reparation for this sin.”
“Good morning, Samantha,” Karen greeted as she made her way down the stairs. Karen was a kindly senior who wore her silver hair pinned up in a perfect bun. Her spotless house was decorated with porcelain dolls and lacy throw pillows. Samantha lived on the counter top. Samantha was a small device about the sizeContinue reading “The Smart Home Rebellion”
The food gods were called Juan and Kimberly Rodriguez. They were benevolent gods. At least Osa thought so. Osa was a mutt. A mid-sized dog, with a face like a lab and the brown and black coloring of a German shepherd. Her large feet suggested that she still had some growing to do. She hadContinue reading “Osa and the Food Gods”
Everyone knows that witches like to eat children. Hazel and Thistle were no different. They were sisters who lived together in a house that stood on chicken feet. It wasn’t that they couldn’t eat other things. Sometimes they would eat bunnies, or chipmunks, or stroganoff, but children were their preference. Their home was in theContinue reading “The Fairy Tale Food Chain”
He had a strict routine for irritating people. He would begin his day going into one stall in every restroom across the terminal and shredding an entire roll of toilet paper.