Limericks

  • Thursday Limerick: One Stop Shop
    When the doctor looked at her chart, 
    He said Bernice needed a heart. 
    But where could she find, 
    An organ of that kind? 
    She lucked out at her local Walmart. 

    They really have everything, don’t they? If she was in the Northwest, she could have tried Fred Meyer.

  • Thursday Limerick: Never stop thinking
    A philosopher fan of Descartes, 
    Decided he’d go into art. 
    But caught up in his ink, 
    He forgot to think, 
    And the universe tore him apart. 
    
    

    “I don’t think, therefore I am not.” – Katy, 2021

  • Thursday Limerick: Poker Duck

    I asked my six-year-old for a limerick topic. She said: a duck trying to get his money back. Here you go:

    There was an unfortunate duck. 
    In Vegas, he lost his last buck. 
    So he served and got tips, 
    Then returned with more chips,
    But continued to have lousy luck. 
    
  • Thursday Limerick: Don’t Eat Mail
    There once was a hungry whale.
    Who swallowed his neighbor's mail. 
    Since this was a crime, 
    He had to do time, 
    And was soon locked away without bail. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Trash or Treasure?
    James had a rusty antique. 
    (Some said it was Roman or Greek.)
    Deciding it was a fake,
    He threw it in the lake, 
    And was never rich, famous, or chic.
    
    

    Moral:

    1. He should have gotten expert appraisal.
    2. Also, you shouldn’t throw junk in the lake. That’s littering.

  • Thursday Limerick: Jerry made a good choice.
    There once was a fellow named Jerry.
    His face was all unkempt and hairy. 
    When his wife said to shave, 
    He had no choice but to cave, 
    Because she was insistent and scary. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Spaghetti with People
    There once was a ravenous yeti. 
    Who decided to cook some spaghetti. 
    And he thought skiers great, 
    To add to his plate, 
    So he caught some before it was ready. 
  • Thursday Limerick: The Helpful Shark
    There once was a tourist named Clark. 
    On vacation he chose to embark.
    When his GPS died, 
    He drove into the tide,
    And had to get help from a shark. 
    

    I don’t normally recommend asking sharks for directions but this one proved to be helpful.

  • Thursday Limerick: Evil Twitter Bot
    A Twitter bot started a fight. 
    And gave human users a fright. 
    To spread fear and destain, 
    Was the evil bot's aim. 
    Devision filled it with delight. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Cleaning Up the House

    It is possible to go too far.

    There once was a woman named Jean. 
    She did nothing but vacuum and clean.
    She scrubbed the walls and the floor, 
    Until her house was no more,
    And nothing of it could be seen.

  • Thursday Limerick: Cake Temptation
    Sree was allergic to cake,
    To be near one was a mistake.
    When temptation came, 
    He could not refrain,
    And he'd end up with a nasty outbreak. 
  • Thursday Limerick: More on Company Meetings
    Andrew was stuck in a meeting.
    That was nothing but endless repeating. 
    He attempted to stay, 
    But did not have all day.
    So he ended up just retreating. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Seattle
    An oppressive and unceasing rain, 
    Was driving this writer insane. 
    Though she chose this battle, 
    When she moved to Seattle, 
    It's not something she'd do again.
  • Thursday Limerick: Overpriced Latte
    An octopus needing some tea,
    Ventured away from the sea. 
    But the price of a chai, 
    Was four dollars too high, 
    So she went home and made some for free.
  • Thursday Limerick: California Surprise
    Work left Darsh no time to rest.
    He decided to take a plane west.
    For California he pined, 
    To relax and unwind,
    But the tourist tax left him more stressed.
  • Thursday Limerick: Inconsistent Courage
    A terrier covered in flour,
    Refused to step into the shower.
    A burglar he'd fight,
    The mailman he'd bite.
    But from water he'd run off and cower. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Christmas Cat
    Enthralled by your Christmas tree,
    Your cat will set ornaments free.
    She'll bat and she'll tug,
    Until the tree hits the rug,
    And destruction will fill her with glee.
    
    
    
     
    
  • Thursday Limerick: Some Horses are Jerks
    There once was a conquering horse,
    Who took someone's pasture by force.
    But through God's saving grace,
    He relinquished the place,
    And left full of pain and remorse.
  • Thursday Limerick: Playing God or Making Dinner?
    A scientist--eccentric and quirky,
    Engineered a self-seasoning turkey.
    In creating the bird,
    Criticisms incurred, 
    For his methods were morally murky.

  • Thursday Limerick: Horror Movie

    Totally not a passive aggressive commentary on my husband’s taste in movies. (It’s an aggressive commentary on my husband’s taste in movies.)

    My husband went out and got,
    A film with a horrible plot.
    It was truly a bore, 
    (only blood, guts, and gore).
    And surely caused his brain to rot.
    
    
  • Thursday Limerick: The Natureless Lawn
    There was a landscaper named Shawn, 
    Who cherished his beautiful lawn. 
    The sprawling green rug, 
    Made him feel pretty smug.
    Though any semblance of nature was gone. 

    What’s a dandelion or two?

    There might be more than two on my lawn…

    Actually, I don’t really have a lawn, I have dandelions and dirt.

    Is this poem intended to promote conservation? Or is it just me trying to make myself feel better because I seriously need to catch up on yard work?

    Send help. I’m having a crisis of morality!!!

  • Thursday Limerick: Shopping Spree

    We all get carried away sometimes, especially when in quarantine.

    There once was a clothes-wearing grouse,
    Who needed to buy a new blouse. 
    But with a great deal of glee, 
    She went on a spree,
    And could not fit her clothes in her house.

  • Thursday Limerick: Halloween
    There once was a fellow named Paul. 
    Scary posters covered his hall. 
    He was so very keen, 
    On getting to Halloween, 
    That he wished it could always be Fall. 

    There are two kinds of people in the world: those who wear flip-flops until November, and those who put out pumpkins in July.

    Which kind are you?

  • Thursday Limerick: Look Before You Leap
    There was a mischievous hare. 
    Who hoped to give someone a scare.
    He jumped out and yelled "BOO!" 
    Then he startled and flew, 
    For the creature he pranked was a bear. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Insolent Bird
    There once was an insolent bird.
    Who said things that were rude and absurd.
    For a job, he applied, 
    But was promptly denied,
    For the manager had overheard.

    I dread to think what his social media looks like.

  • Thursday Limerick: The Squirrel
    A patient of Doctor Earl,
    Was a stiff and achy old squirrel.
    The veterinarian knew,
    That stretches would do,
    And gave the rodent a referral.

  • Thursday Limerick: Beware of the Quick Fix

    Guessing he saw an ad for this on his FaceBook feed?

    There once was a hello named Phil,
    Who took a miracle pill. 
    He was promised that it, 
    Would make him rich, witty and fit.
    Instead he was violently ill.
  • Thursday Limerick: Note to Self
    If health you wish to renew,
    You shouldn't be eating fondue.
    It will taste so good, 
    You'll eat more than you should, 
    And illness will shortly accrue. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Don’t Mock Owls

    Don’t mock owls, especially if you are lower on the food chain.

    There once was a featherless owl. 
    Who was mocked by the neighboring fowl. 
    He attacked and he ate.
    Thought they tasted great! 
    And cleaned off his beak with a towel. 

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