Limericks

  • Thursday Limerick: Tricky Plant
    A botanist went on a rant,
    On how to care for his favorite plant.
    Too wet or too dry,
    It would wither and die. 
    Its tolerance was incredibly scant.
    
    
    
    
  • Thursday Limerick: Betrayed by Technology
    A burglar purchased a book, 
    Called Ten Tips for Being a Crook. 
    So his search engine knew, 
    What he was going to do,
    And had the police take a look.

  • Thursday Limerick: Random Research
    A scientist applied for some grants,
    So she could teach bugs to wear pants.
    But she was denied, 
    And the reason supplied:
    It is impractical to dress ants.
    

    This experiment raises important questions like when making pants for insects, do you add four or six leg holes? I’m thinking maybe the first set of legs should be considered arms. It could also be that insects have four arms and two legs, in which case you’d need to make them four-armed sweaters and two-legged pants…

    (Katy stares into the abyss pondering life’s most important questions.)

  • Thursday Limerick: Social Media
    An internet troll loved to fight. 
    And would argue online day and night.  
    Though he loved to correct,  
    He would never reflect, 
    And was always convinced he was right.  
    

  • Thursday Limerick: Summary of a Typical Artist’s Mental State
    A painter admired his art,
    While pressing his hands to his heart.
    But the very next day, 
    He threw it away,
    And decided to make a fresh start.

    The struggle is real.

  • Thursday Limerick: Chatterbox
    If you see Mrs. Rat come your way,
    It’s best that you run away.
    For the talkative rat,
    Will do nothing but chat,
    And she’ll gladly keep you all day.
    
  • Thursday Limerick: The Plants that Won’t Die
    When he began in the spring,
    The gardener felt like a king. 
    Then the dandelions grew, 
    Tore the garden in two,
    And he couldn’t do a darn thing.
  • Thursday Limerick: People Pleaser
    A woman whose name was Louise, 
    Broke herself trying to please.
    She made her hands throb,
    Doing everyone’s job,
    While her fellows enjoyed lives of ease.

    Don’t be Louise. Set boundaries. Say yes to saying no!

  • Thursday Limerick: Karen gets Cursed
    Karen was horribly rude,
    She complained while she ordered her food. 
    She should have been wary, 
    One cashier was a fairy, 
    Who cursed her for her attitude. 
  • Thursday Limerick: SoCal
    If you like avocados on toast,
    And you want to live near the coast, 
    Then save up a lot, 
    Or you won't get a spot, 
    And you'll have to say "adios".
  • Thursday Limerick: Chicken Stock
    When a chicken invested in stock, 
    It left her broker in shock.
    A bird financially keen,
    Was something he'd never seen,
    So he couldn't help but to gawk.
    

  • Thursday Limerick: Carnivore
    Veggies filled Steven with hate.
    He gaged when they were on his plate.
    He would grumble and brood,
    When presented with such food,
    And for the meat, he would wait.

    I’ve been known to behave this way, but unlike Steven, I am not a crocodile and have no excuse.

  • Thursday Limerick: A True Story
    A sleepy and ravenous bear,
    Noticed a can sitting there.
    Wanting a snack, 
    He went to unpack,
    Though the humans did scream, yell, and swear.
    

    This is a true story. A bear dumped my garbage this week. We caught him on our security camera.

    The next morning, I went out to clean up the trash he had spread all over the yard. I noticed that he had licked the yogurt tubs clean and eaten a whole bag of moldy bagels.

    It was the cutest and the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen.

  • Thursday Limerick: Coffee is Life
    When I find myself needing some cheer, 
    I do not reach for a beer. 
    There's only one drink, 
    To pull me from the brink,
    And that drink is coffee, my dear.

    I feel like 99.9% of my limericks are about coffee.

  • Thursday Limerick: Intelligent Whale
    There once was an insecure whale.
    Who thought he could do nothing but fail.
    He was smarter than he knew, 
    And his confidence grew, 
    When he learned he'd been accepted to Yale.
    
    

    Not sure how he’s going to attend class on land…

  • Thursday Limerick: After Easter
    There once was a fellow named Greg,
    Who longed for a chocolate egg.
    He could not recall, 
    Having eaten them all, 
    And so he decided to beg. 
    
    
  • Thursday Limerick: Religious Rabbit
    There was a religious rabbit,
    Who decided to don a habit. 
    Could a rabbit endure? 
    The monks were not sure. 
    But he soon was promoted to abbot.
  • Thursday Limerick: More Evidence that Lobsters are Jerks
    There once was a lobster named Brad, 
    Who decided that he would wear plaid.
    But his fellows mocked, 
    And the lobster was shocked, 
    And continued through life unclad. 
    
    

    I don’t know why I am hating on lobsters this week. A lobster never once wronged me, aside from freaking me out slightly at the aquarium. Maybe I’m the jerk?

    (Katy takes a long moment to reflect.)

  • Thursday Limerick: The Skunk
    When a skunk wanted to be alone,
    He put on some smelly cologne.
    While this rancid perfume, 
    Did clear out the room, 
    It's not something I can condone. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Sharing is Caring
    James wanted the entire scone,
    But he couldn't bear living alone. 
    So he took out a knife, 
    And gave half to his wife, 
    And was not forced to live on his own.
    
  • Thursday Limerick: Fishy Classmate
    A fish was unusually bold.
    So into college he enrolled. 
    The sight of a bass,
    In an algebra class,
    Was certainly one to behold.
  • Thursday Limerick: Don’t Steal from Santa
    There once was a fellow named Bill, 
    A cookie he'd fight for and kill.
    He was so filled with hate, 
    He stole from Santa's plate,
    And what he got for Christmas was nil.

  • Thursday Limerick: Cat vs Christmas Tree
    A fur tree of towering height,
    Decorated with ornaments bright,
    Fell near the cat, 
    Almost knocking him flat,
    And gave him a horrible fright.

  • Thursday Limerick: Manta
    In the aquarium in Atlanta,
    Resided a ravenous manta.
    He wanted more fish,
    To add to his dish,
    So he wrote a letter to Santa.

    There are like two words that rhyme with “Santa” but by an amazing stroke of luck, there is an aquarium with manta rays in Georgia.

  • Thursday Limerick: Don’t Be Darlene
    Insisting that she was the boss,
    Of making the cranberry sauce,
    Darlene picked a fight, 
    And was up half the night, 
    Being disgruntled and cross. 

    Between you and me, I like the canned stuff. Yes, that stuff that’s unnaturally red and keeps the shape of the can when you dump it. Delicious!

    Bonus! Here is an illustration of last year’s limerick. Happy Thanksgiving!

  • Thursday Limerick: Tragic Thanksgiving Story
    There once was a fellow named Sam. 
    Who wished Thanksgiving dinner was ham. 
    Suggesting this change,
    Soon got him estranged. 
    So he went home alone and ate spam.

    Sam just had to be different, didn’t he?

  • Thursday Limerick: The Neon Saint
    An artist once used neon paint,
    To complete a portrait of a saint.
    It was put on display,
    But soon taken away,
    When the cantor filed a complaint. 

  • Thursday Limerick: Amish Fight
    A fellow, angry and cruel, 
    Challenged an Amish man to a duel. 
    With words witty and tight,
    The Amish man chose to fight. 
    His antagonist looked like a fool. 

  • Thursday Limerick: Pet Recommendations
    If you think that you want a pet, 
    But don't know what kind you should get,
    Birds, cats, and mice, 
    Are all very nice. 
    Venomous snakes you are bound to regret.

    Follow me for more helpful advice:

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