Limericks

  • Thursday Limerick: Coffee is Life
    When I find myself needing some cheer, 
    I do not reach for a beer. 
    There's only one drink, 
    To pull me from the brink,
    And that drink is coffee, my dear.

    I feel like 99.9% of my limericks are about coffee.

  • Thursday Limerick: Intelligent Whale
    There once was an insecure whale.
    Who thought he could do nothing but fail.
    He was smarter than he knew, 
    And his confidence grew, 
    When he learned he'd been accepted to Yale.
    
    

    Not sure how he’s going to attend class on land…

  • Thursday Limerick: After Easter
    There once was a fellow named Greg,
    Who longed for a chocolate egg.
    He could not recall, 
    Having eaten them all, 
    And so he decided to beg. 
    
    
  • Thursday Limerick: Religious Rabbit
    There was a religious rabbit,
    Who decided to don a habit. 
    Could a rabbit endure? 
    The monks were not sure. 
    But he soon was promoted to abbot.
  • Thursday Limerick: More Evidence that Lobsters are Jerks
    There once was a lobster named Brad, 
    Who decided that he would wear plaid.
    But his fellows mocked, 
    And the lobster was shocked, 
    And continued through life unclad. 
    
    

    I don’t know why I am hating on lobsters this week. A lobster never once wronged me, aside from freaking me out slightly at the aquarium. Maybe I’m the jerk?

    (Katy takes a long moment to reflect.)

  • Thursday Limerick: The Skunk
    When a skunk wanted to be alone,
    He put on some smelly cologne.
    While this rancid perfume, 
    Did clear out the room, 
    It's not something I can condone. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Sharing is Caring
    James wanted the entire scone,
    But he couldn't bear living alone. 
    So he took out a knife, 
    And gave half to his wife, 
    And was not forced to live on his own.
    
  • Thursday Limerick: Fishy Classmate
    A fish was unusually bold.
    So into college he enrolled. 
    The sight of a bass,
    In an algebra class,
    Was certainly one to behold.
  • Thursday Limerick: Don’t Steal from Santa
    There once was a fellow named Bill, 
    A cookie he'd fight for and kill.
    He was so filled with hate, 
    He stole from Santa's plate,
    And what he got for Christmas was nil.

  • Thursday Limerick: Cat vs Christmas Tree
    A fur tree of towering height,
    Decorated with ornaments bright,
    Fell near the cat, 
    Almost knocking him flat,
    And gave him a horrible fright.

  • Thursday Limerick: Manta
    In the aquarium in Atlanta,
    Resided a ravenous manta.
    He wanted more fish,
    To add to his dish,
    So he wrote a letter to Santa.

    There are like two words that rhyme with “Santa” but by an amazing stroke of luck, there is an aquarium with manta rays in Georgia.

  • Thursday Limerick: Don’t Be Darlene
    Insisting that she was the boss,
    Of making the cranberry sauce,
    Darlene picked a fight, 
    And was up half the night, 
    Being disgruntled and cross. 

    Between you and me, I like the canned stuff. Yes, that stuff that’s unnaturally red and keeps the shape of the can when you dump it. Delicious!

    Bonus! Here is an illustration of last year’s limerick. Happy Thanksgiving!

  • Thursday Limerick: Tragic Thanksgiving Story
    There once was a fellow named Sam. 
    Who wished Thanksgiving dinner was ham. 
    Suggesting this change,
    Soon got him estranged. 
    So he went home alone and ate spam.

    Sam just had to be different, didn’t he?

  • Thursday Limerick: The Neon Saint
    An artist once used neon paint,
    To complete a portrait of a saint.
    It was put on display,
    But soon taken away,
    When the cantor filed a complaint. 

  • Thursday Limerick: Amish Fight
    A fellow, angry and cruel, 
    Challenged an Amish man to a duel. 
    With words witty and tight,
    The Amish man chose to fight. 
    His antagonist looked like a fool. 

  • Thursday Limerick: Pet Recommendations
    If you think that you want a pet, 
    But don't know what kind you should get,
    Birds, cats, and mice, 
    Are all very nice. 
    Venomous snakes you are bound to regret.

    Follow me for more helpful advice:

  • Thursday Limerick: Culture Bug
    There once was a well cultured ant.
    Who liked Van Gogh and Rembrandt.
    To the museum she went, 
    And though long hours spent, 
    Found it unbearably scant.

  • Thursday Limerick: Married Life
    The season of pumpkins is near,
    And my husband is bursting with cheer. 
    He is eager to see,
    Spooks and gore on TV.
    I'll grab a book and disappear. 

    I’ve thwarted his every attempt to get me into horror.

    Okay, I watched like one scary movie once.

    Maybe two, but nothing too gory.

    Maybe just a little gory. No zombies though. I hate zombies.

    Except for Sean of the Dead. That’s a parody though, does it even count?

  • Thursday Limerick: Dan is Awesome
    When a sea lion needed some help, 
    Constructing a house made of kelp. 
    A contractor named Dan, 
    Helped him realize his plan.
    And was hence reviewed fondly on Yelp.

    Five Stars: Called 15 places trying to find someone to help me with this project. Dan was the only one willing to build under water. He returned my calls promptly, showed up on time, and was not even slightly phased by me being a sea lion.

  • Thursday Limerick: Raccoon Platoon
    A sneaky and cunning raccoon, 
    Stole some trash mid afternoon. 
    Exceptionally keen, 
    The raccoon was not seen,
    And escaped to his waiting platoon. 
  • Thursday Limerick: The Cowardly Hare
    There once was a cowardly hare, 
    Who decided to go to the fair. 
    A small Ferris wheel, 
    Made him tremble and squeal, 
    And frightened him beyond repair.

  • Thursday Limerick: Sheep
    When Jason found he couldn't sleep, 
    He decided to hire some sheep. 
    But they ate up his throw, 
    So he told them to go.
    And swore 'cause they didn't come cheap.
    

    He should have looked at their Yelp reviews.

  • Thursday Limerick: Lock Your Car
    When alien’s decided to land, 
    They left their spacecraft unmanned. 
    Teens entered the ship, 
    And took it for a trip,
    Which is not what the aliens planned. 
    
  • Thursday Limerick: Expensive Taste
    The ducks at the lake were all fed, 
    A diet of crumbly bread. 
    They found it a bore, 
    And petitioned for more, 
    And were given fish eggs instead. 

    Only the most expensive caviar would do.

  • Thursday Limerick: Don’t drink and drive.
    A gnome went to happy hour, 
    But it made his stomach feel sour. 
    He called his friend Jerome, 
    To get a ride home, 
    And then took a freezing cold shower. 
    
    

    Don’t drink and drive. Even if the thing you’re driving is a giant snail.

    …What does a snail look like when it’s swerving?

    …Could a gnome really be injured if it were hit by a snail?

    …What do police snails look like? Are they faster than normal snails?

    I shouldn’t have written this one. I broke my own brain.

  • Thursday Limerick: Nevada

    I write too many limericks about California and Washington. Here’s a limerick about (rolls dice) Nevada:

    Suddenly Vegas is there. 
    It came out of the sand from nowhere.
    If you brought a buck, 
    You can try out your luck, 
    But don’t complain it isn’t fair. 
    
    
    
  • Thursday Limerick: One Stop Shop
    When the doctor looked at her chart, 
    He said Bernice needed a heart. 
    But where could she find, 
    An organ of that kind? 
    She lucked out at her local Walmart. 

    They really have everything, don’t they? If she was in the Northwest, she could have tried Fred Meyer.

  • Thursday Limerick: Never stop thinking
    A philosopher fan of Descartes, 
    Decided he’d go into art. 
    But caught up in his ink, 
    He forgot to think, 
    And the universe tore him apart. 
    
    

    “I don’t think, therefore I am not.” – Katy, 2021

  • Thursday Limerick: Poker Duck

    I asked my six-year-old for a limerick topic. She said: a duck trying to get his money back. Here you go:

    There was an unfortunate duck. 
    In Vegas, he lost his last buck. 
    So he served and got tips, 
    Then returned with more chips,
    But continued to have lousy luck. 
    
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