Limericks

  • Thursday Limerick: Don’t Be Darlene
    Insisting that she was the boss,
    Of making the cranberry sauce,
    Darlene picked a fight, 
    And was up half the night, 
    Being disgruntled and cross. 

    Between you and me, I like the canned stuff. Yes, that stuff that’s unnaturally red and keeps the shape of the can when you dump it. Delicious!

    Bonus! Here is an illustration of last year’s limerick. Happy Thanksgiving!

  • Thursday Limerick: Tragic Thanksgiving Story
    There once was a fellow named Sam. 
    Who wished Thanksgiving dinner was ham. 
    Suggesting this change,
    Soon got him estranged. 
    So he went home alone and ate spam.

    Sam just had to be different, didn’t he?

  • Thursday Limerick: The Neon Saint
    An artist once used neon paint,
    To complete a portrait of a saint.
    It was put on display,
    But soon taken away,
    When the cantor filed a complaint. 

  • Thursday Limerick: Amish Fight
    A fellow, angry and cruel, 
    Challenged an Amish man to a duel. 
    With words witty and tight,
    The Amish man chose to fight. 
    His antagonist looked like a fool. 

  • Thursday Limerick: Pet Recommendations
    If you think that you want a pet, 
    But don't know what kind you should get,
    Birds, cats, and mice, 
    Are all very nice. 
    Venomous snakes you are bound to regret.

    Follow me for more helpful advice:

  • Thursday Limerick: Culture Bug
    There once was a well cultured ant.
    Who liked Van Gogh and Rembrandt.
    To the museum she went, 
    And though long hours spent, 
    Found it unbearably scant.

  • Thursday Limerick: Married Life
    The season of pumpkins is near,
    And my husband is bursting with cheer. 
    He is eager to see,
    Spooks and gore on TV.
    I'll grab a book and disappear. 

    I’ve thwarted his every attempt to get me into horror.

    Okay, I watched like one scary movie once.

    Maybe two, but nothing too gory.

    Maybe just a little gory. No zombies though. I hate zombies.

    Except for Sean of the Dead. That’s a parody though, does it even count?

  • Thursday Limerick: Dan is Awesome
    When a sea lion needed some help, 
    Constructing a house made of kelp. 
    A contractor named Dan, 
    Helped him realize his plan.
    And was hence reviewed fondly on Yelp.

    Five Stars: Called 15 places trying to find someone to help me with this project. Dan was the only one willing to build under water. He returned my calls promptly, showed up on time, and was not even slightly phased by me being a sea lion.

  • Thursday Limerick: Raccoon Platoon
    A sneaky and cunning raccoon, 
    Stole some trash mid afternoon. 
    Exceptionally keen, 
    The raccoon was not seen,
    And escaped to his waiting platoon. 
  • Thursday Limerick: The Cowardly Hare
    There once was a cowardly hare, 
    Who decided to go to the fair. 
    A small Ferris wheel, 
    Made him tremble and squeal, 
    And frightened him beyond repair.

  • Thursday Limerick: Sheep
    When Jason found he couldn't sleep, 
    He decided to hire some sheep. 
    But they ate up his throw, 
    So he told them to go.
    And swore 'cause they didn't come cheap.
    

    He should have looked at their Yelp reviews.

  • Thursday Limerick: Lock Your Car
    When alien’s decided to land, 
    They left their spacecraft unmanned. 
    Teens entered the ship, 
    And took it for a trip,
    Which is not what the aliens planned. 
    
  • Thursday Limerick: Expensive Taste
    The ducks at the lake were all fed, 
    A diet of crumbly bread. 
    They found it a bore, 
    And petitioned for more, 
    And were given fish eggs instead. 

    Only the most expensive caviar would do.

  • Thursday Limerick: Don’t drink and drive.
    A gnome went to happy hour, 
    But it made his stomach feel sour. 
    He called his friend Jerome, 
    To get a ride home, 
    And then took a freezing cold shower. 
    
    

    Don’t drink and drive. Even if the thing you’re driving is a giant snail.

    …What does a snail look like when it’s swerving?

    …Could a gnome really be injured if it were hit by a snail?

    …What do police snails look like? Are they faster than normal snails?

    I shouldn’t have written this one. I broke my own brain.

  • Thursday Limerick: Nevada

    I write too many limericks about California and Washington. Here’s a limerick about (rolls dice) Nevada:

    Suddenly Vegas is there. 
    It came out of the sand from nowhere.
    If you brought a buck, 
    You can try out your luck, 
    But don’t complain it isn’t fair. 
    
    
    
  • Thursday Limerick: One Stop Shop
    When the doctor looked at her chart, 
    He said Bernice needed a heart. 
    But where could she find, 
    An organ of that kind? 
    She lucked out at her local Walmart. 

    They really have everything, don’t they? If she was in the Northwest, she could have tried Fred Meyer.

  • Thursday Limerick: Never stop thinking
    A philosopher fan of Descartes, 
    Decided he’d go into art. 
    But caught up in his ink, 
    He forgot to think, 
    And the universe tore him apart. 
    
    

    “I don’t think, therefore I am not.” – Katy, 2021

  • Thursday Limerick: Poker Duck

    I asked my six-year-old for a limerick topic. She said: a duck trying to get his money back. Here you go:

    There was an unfortunate duck. 
    In Vegas, he lost his last buck. 
    So he served and got tips, 
    Then returned with more chips,
    But continued to have lousy luck. 
    
  • Thursday Limerick: Don’t Eat Mail
    There once was a hungry whale.
    Who swallowed his neighbor's mail. 
    Since this was a crime, 
    He had to do time, 
    And was soon locked away without bail. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Trash or Treasure?
    James had a rusty antique. 
    (Some said it was Roman or Greek.)
    Deciding it was a fake,
    He threw it in the lake, 
    And was never rich, famous, or chic.
    
    

    Moral:

    1. He should have gotten expert appraisal.
    2. Also, you shouldn’t throw junk in the lake. That’s littering.

  • Thursday Limerick: Jerry made a good choice.
    There once was a fellow named Jerry.
    His face was all unkempt and hairy. 
    When his wife said to shave, 
    He had no choice but to cave, 
    Because she was insistent and scary. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Spaghetti with People
    There once was a ravenous yeti. 
    Who decided to cook some spaghetti. 
    And he thought skiers great, 
    To add to his plate, 
    So he caught some before it was ready. 
  • Thursday Limerick: The Helpful Shark
    There once was a tourist named Clark. 
    On vacation he chose to embark.
    When his GPS died, 
    He drove into the tide,
    And had to get help from a shark. 
    

    I don’t normally recommend asking sharks for directions but this one proved to be helpful.

  • Thursday Limerick: Evil Twitter Bot
    A Twitter bot started a fight. 
    And gave human users a fright. 
    To spread fear and destain, 
    Was the evil bot's aim. 
    Devision filled it with delight. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Cleaning Up the House

    It is possible to go too far.

    There once was a woman named Jean. 
    She did nothing but vacuum and clean.
    She scrubbed the walls and the floor, 
    Until her house was no more,
    And nothing of it could be seen.

  • Thursday Limerick: Cake Temptation
    Sree was allergic to cake,
    To be near one was a mistake.
    When temptation came, 
    He could not refrain,
    And he'd end up with a nasty outbreak. 
  • Thursday Limerick: More on Company Meetings
    Andrew was stuck in a meeting.
    That was nothing but endless repeating. 
    He attempted to stay, 
    But did not have all day.
    So he ended up just retreating. 
  • Thursday Limerick: Seattle
    An oppressive and unceasing rain, 
    Was driving this writer insane. 
    Though she chose this battle, 
    When she moved to Seattle, 
    It's not something she'd do again.
  • Thursday Limerick: Overpriced Latte
    An octopus needing some tea,
    Ventured away from the sea. 
    But the price of a chai, 
    Was four dollars too high, 
    So she went home and made some for free.
%d bloggers like this: