The Origin of Gremlins

Pests are a problem everywhere. There are roaches in the city, mice in the country, and gremlins at Mackerel Valley Airport. Roaches are filthy and almost indestructible, mice chew on things and leave droppings all over, but either are preferable to gremlins. You see, any inconvenience mice and roaches cause humans is purely accidental. They are just creatures trying to survive. 

Gremlins, on the other hand, intend all the frustration they cause. Nothing delights them more than seeing a normally patient human snap. How a creature’s entire existence could center around annoying people, was a puzzle to scientists and philosophers alike. That is until a certain gremlin by the name of Squabble shed some light on the mystery.

Squabble lived in the B-Terminal at Mackerel Valley Airport. Like all the other gremlins, he was short, green, warty, and had a nasty array of pointed teeth. His diet consisted mostly of wilted kale and lemon rinds.

He had a strict routine for irritating people. He would begin his day going into one stall in every restroom across the terminal and shredding an entire roll of toilet paper.  He would cover the floors and the walls with paper pieces and then throw the remainder of the roll into the toilet bowl. Then he would stop by every gate area and disconnect all the charging stations. Lastly, he would go to every newsstand and markup the price of water bottles by two dollars.

Things got really bad though, when he started hacking the Intermittent Airlines computer system. He would randomly change gates, reassign seats, and add fees to anything and everything he could. Sometimes, he would sit across from the customer service desk and snicker as the lines of enraged passengers vented their frustrations. 

One day, Squabble decided to sit at one of the gates by the podium where he had a clear view of the agent. He was wearing a trenchcoat and a hat with the brim tipped low over his face, so that no one would recognize him as a gremlin. He was jittering with excitement as he thought of the misery he was about to cause. He opened up his laptop, found the next departing flight, and reviewed his options. 

He noticed an empty seat in first class and had an idea. He was going to find the poorest person on the flight and reassign him to that seat. He laughed as he thought of how disgusted the first class passengers would be at the idea of sharing their cabin with a mortal.

It took some internet stalking, but he was able to find a suitable victim. After reassigning the seat, he watched for the gate agent to see what would happen. She called the passenger on the intercom. Squabble watched the first class customers as the man approached the podium. He was a scruffy, college student with a backpack held together with duct tape. Most of the first class passengers were on conference calls and didn’t notice him at all. 

When the gate agent told him about the upgrade, the elites neither noticed nor cared. But the college student’s face brightened and he whole-heartedly thanked the gate agent. She was smiling, he was smiling, they were so… happy. It was the complete opposite of what Squabble intended. 

It gave him a feeling he’d never felt before. It was a warm and toasty feeling right where his heart would have been (if he had a heart). He felt good, then he felt uncomfortable. Making people happy wasn’t supposed to make him feel good. It was contrary to the teachings of all the greatest gremlin philosophers. 

He shook off the feeling and looked for something else to do. Over the course of the next week, he mixed up baggage, stuck gum in the bottom of the security bins, and sat behind the information desk giving travelers bad directions.  

When he finally returned to hacking, he noticed another empty seat in first class. He couldn’t help but wonder if that warm and toasty feeling would return if he upgraded someone else from coach. He shook his head. It would be unethical for a gremlin to do something like that. (To gremlins, the unethical was ethical and vice versa.) 

Still, the curiosity was nipping and tugging at him. He decided to try it. Could making one person feel good really be so bad?

He watched as the gate against called the passenger to the podium. The woman smiled, thanked the agent, and immediately pulled out her phone and called someone. Squabble could hear her telling the person on the other end about how excited she was. The feeling returned. That lovely, warm feeling seemed directly related to making people happy. 

He needed to be sure. Over the next few days, Squabble upgraded five passengers and each time the result was similar. Not only that, but the demeanor of the gate agents seemed to change. They weren’t used to making people happy. Intermittent Airlines policy strictly forbid it. He heard them speculating about whether corporate was doing some sort of promotion. 

Squabble began to wonder if doing other things to make people happy would have the same result. He decided to experiment. He borrowed a motorized cart and started giving the elderly rides to their gates. He told people where they could find the shortest security lines and working charging stations. (There weren’t many, but Squabble knew where they were.)

The more he did these things, the more he experienced that warm and toasty feeling. But these behaviors also had some effects he didn’t expect. Wilted kale and lemon rinds started making him sick. Instead, he started craving mint candies and jelly beans. His teeth started to straighten and his warts faded away. His skin was losing its green color. His fellows mocked his bright eyes and rosy cheeks. He was hideous, almost as ugly as a human.

Still, he wasn’t quite human. He maintained his short stature and pointed ears and didn’t really feel like he belonged anywhere. He almost wondered if he should return to his gremlin ways. The gremlins were bitter and mean and horrible company, but as a gremlin, he knew where he belonged. Now he didn’t belong anywhere. 

He spent many long hours fighting with himself, trying to decide if the joy of helping others was worth the identity crisis it caused. He wasn’t really sure, but each of his subsequent actions indicated that it was. 

Then one day, he found his answer (or it found him). He saw a massive herd of rosy-cheeked, pointy-eared, tiny, little people coming through security. They were riding the bins through the x-ray machine per the TSA officer’s instructions and squealing with delight as the bins bumped down the rollers on the other side. 

Squabble was used to seeing people grumble and complain as they came through security, but these little people were saying things like: 

“Isn’t it nice that they let us ride in the bins? We didn’t even have to take our shoes off!” 

And

“Look he stamped my boarding pass AND gave me a sticker!” 

They also had a compliment for every TSA officer they encountered. It was like nothing Squabble had ever seen before. They made him feel warm and toasty all over.

When the entire group was through, they waited patiently until they were joined by an old, bearded man in a red sweatsuit. He did have to take his boots and belt off and go through the metal detector along with the rest of the humans, so he was delayed in joining his tiny companions. Then, they all made their way toward the B-gates. 

Squabble ran after them. 

“Hey!” he cried.

One of the little creatures tailing the group noticed him and called: 

“Don’t fall behind! We only have one hundred eighty-two days until Christmas and can’t afford to miss this flight!” 

“What flight? Where are you—we going?” 

She glanced back at him again. “Oh, sorry! I thought you were with us!” She giggled. “Just not used to seeing other elves in Mackerel Valley, I guess.” 

“I’m not an elf,” Squabble objected. “Elves are tall and really ugly. I mean really ugly.”

“You’re funny!” She laughed. 

 Squabble scowled. He didn’t see what was funny about it. 

“Where are you going?” He called, scurrying to keep up. 

“Anchorage!” She replied. “To get the reindeer, then back to the North Pole.” 

At once, Squabble darted toward the nearest ticketing kiosk. With a little hacking, he managed to secure a ticket and before he knew it he was seated among the elves thirty-thousand feet above the ground. They were all so talkative and excited that it took them awhile to notice he wasn’t a part of their original group. 

An eight hour flight left plenty of time for questioning, so it was that the elves managed to extract the truth. It took some doing since Squabble wasn’t forthcoming. He was concerned they wouldn’t accept him if they learned of his gremlin upbringing. Had he known anything about Christmas elves, he wouldn’t have been concerned. They decided to adopt him before the plane even touched down. They gave him a job as a programmer and changed his name to Sour-apple Cherry Tart.

So it was that the origin of the gremlin species was discovered. They were simply the descendants of Christmas elves gone bad. Every so often, another airport gremlin experiences the call of his ancestors and turns from his evil ways. If you are ever in Mackerel Valley Airport and experience a random upgrade to first class, the most likely cause is a gremlin having an identity crisis. I guarantee it isn’t Intermittent Airlines doing. 

Updates and FYIs

Happy 4th Folks!

Wanted to give you all a quick update. On July 7th, I will be publishing my next short story as planned. Then I am going to take a summer break until Oct. 7th (when I will post my Halloween story).

What will I be doing in August and September? A couple of exciting things:

  1. Taking my series of Alexander short stories, and fleshing them out into a full length novel! Yay!
  2. Making some general improvements to my website.
  3. Building up a backlog of short stories for the Fall months. I am having a baby on November 8th, so I want to have a bunch of short stories scheduled ahead of time. I guess I could work while I am in labor since it takes a while, but don’t want to depend on that. Incidentally, my last childbirth experience is part of what inspired Davy of the Sound. I am hoping things will be uneventful this time. But if they aren’t, you will certainly read about it in a future short.
  4. Making more of my existing stories available for ereader.

I will keep in touch, and post some fun stuff as I have time.

See you all on July 7th, then again on Oct. 7th!

Happy Reading,

Katy

How to Fight a Fairy Part 2.2

This is the last segment! Yay! Do not read until you’ve read:

  1. How to Kill a King
  2. How to Avoid Assassination
  3. How to Bond with Barbarians
  4. How to Fight a Fairy Part 1
  5. How to Fight a Fairy Part 2.1

Alexander woke in a place unlike any he’d ever seen. He sat up, rubbing his horribly sore throat, and drank in the unusual scene.

It was a large cylinder shaped room with a dome for a ceiling. Right in the center of the dome, was the circular entrance to a tunnel of some sort. It was wide enough for Alexander to crawl through, but impossible to reach. It was the only way in or out of the room as far as he could see. The walls, floor, and ceiling were all crafted from a single piece of red glass. The perimeter was littered with objects: pots, books, scrolls, and all manner of baubles.

Alexander stood and pressed his face against the wall, trying to see through the glass. He could only make out shapes and shadows.

“So someone’s been telling you our secrets,” came Acacia’s voice.

Alexander spun around to see the twins standing a few paces behind him.

“Did they tell you there are plenty of ways to make someone miserable without killing them?”

“Like trapping them in a bottle for two thousand years!” Jace explained cheerily.  “Fortunately for you, you won’t live that long. Remind me, how long do these things live, sister?”

“Oh… ninety years, maybe, if you take good care of them,” Acacia shrugged. “Though, he probably wouldn’t live half a century on his own. It’s amazing how many things can kill humans!”

“Not fairies,” Alexander observed.

“Are you sure about that?” Acacia sneered. “Because the Kalathean’s just saw us kill you.”

“And begged us to forgive them for rebelling,” Jace added.

Alexander found this story highly unlikely. He didn’t know what the people actually saw, but someone must have noticed how much effort the twins expended strangling him. Even if the people thought he was dead, they must realize that the twins couldn’t possibly threaten an entire city full of people unless they had the patience to kill each person individually over a long period of time.

He thought about making a cynical reply, but he was too exhausted to think of anything clever and his throat still hurt.

“You know something?” Acacia smiled. “I think this is a more suitable punishment than death. Abandoned in this bottle, tormented by his loneliness, forgotten by his loved ones.”

“What loved ones?” Jace asked. “No one loves him, thanks to us!”

Alexander longed for something to shove into his ears. Being alone sounded like paradise after listening to the twins babble on all day.

Acacia snorted. “Now that I think about it, being with his family is probably worse than being separated from them. What a shame we can’t bring Justin back to keep him company!”

“What about her?” Jace asked, pointing to a huddled figure leaning against the opposite wall. Alexander could have sworn she wasn’t there a minute ago. Her head was bent, and her long dark hair fell around her face, blocking his view. She looked up when Jace motioned to her.  

“Alex,” she gasped.

Alexander felt a rush of anger at the sight of his sister. His cheeks flushed red, he turned his back to her, and stood with his arms crossed glaring at the floor.

“It seems you two have a lot to talk about,” Acacia smiled. “Take your time, you have forever.”

With that, the twins disappeared. After what did indeed seem like eternity, Fausta spoke in a voice so small he could barely hear her.

“I’m glad you’re alive.”

Alexander ignored her.

“I know you don’t want to talk to me,” she continued. “So I’ll say just one more thing and keep quiet. Everything that happened is my fault and I’m sorry.”

She sank to the floor, buried her face in her knees and for a long time the room was still. The only sound was an occasional sniffle from Alexander.

He spent so many long hours since his banishment, thinking up things he would say if he saw her again. In that moment, he forgot them all.

When he turned to face her, and opened his mouth to speak, the only word that escaped was: “Why?”

“Because it wasn’t fair. While Father was sick and Justin was off drinking himself to oblivion, I was keeping this kingdom together. I was—”

“I know why you usurped me,” Alexander interrupted. “Why didn’t you kill me?”

“What do you mean?” Fausta asked. “Of course I wouldn’t kill you, Alex.”

“Why not? You don’t love me.”

“Of course I do.”

“Do you slander everyone you love?” He snapped. “Perhaps it was some sentimental attachment. I was like… some old doll you’d outgrown but couldn’t part with.”

“That’s not true,” she scowled.

“That’s exactly what it was! You were a little girl and I was a baby without a mother. You rocked me and dressed me and carried me everywhere. Then you grew up and there I was, getting in the way.”

She leapt to her feet and stood with her fists clenched, fuming. “You forgot to mention that I defended you, and avenged you, and then ran your kingdom for you. Show a little gratitude.”

“Thank you for sentencing me to death then changing your mind,” Alexander replied dryly.

“I was supposed to kill you!” She cried. “How could I leave the kingdom in your hands when you were so, so, incompetent and soft.” She wiped a tear off her cheek. “…and kind and gentle and nothing like what a king should be.”

“Good night, Fausta,” Alexander stated.

He curled up on the floor with his back to her. He doubted he would be able to sleep on the cold glass, but he was tired of talking to her. He was tired in every way.


Alexander made a routine for himself. He started each morning with Dawn Prayer. (He didn’t know the actual time or the day so he had to guess which psalms to use.) Then he would explore his surroundings, looking through all the books and scrolls the fairies discarded. He almost fainted in awe when he found what he believed to be one of Rouvin’s original scrolls. Ilona would be so jealous, if he was ever able to tell her about it.

He found a large storage jar and placed the scroll inside. From then on, anytime he found something he thought Ilona would like, he dropped it in the jar. In the days that followed, he added several more scrolls, coins and jewelry from empires long passed, and a long spiral horn he thought belonged to a unicorn. (It actually came from a narwal.) He would probably never be able to show her the things he collected, but doing it made him feel close to her, so he persisted.

He noticed charcoal drawings scattered on the walls, and started looking for the charcoal. He found a few chard sticks in one of the pots and began to cover the walls and the floor with drawings of his own.

He prayed again at nine o’clock (or what he guessed was nine), and every three hours afterward until he went to sleep. Since the Divine Office was usually prayed in a group, he tried to convince Fausta to join him. She agreed, but was out of practice and kept forgetting bits and stumbled over words.

Twice a day, food would materialize in the middle of the room. It consisted of dry bread, and raw vegetables. Sometimes there was an egg or two.

Alexander made a mark on the wall every morning, counting the days of his captivity. The more scratches he made, the more he longed for human companionship. Sometimes he would forget his anger and talk to Fausta for hours. He told her his story, leaving out only a few minor details, like the existence of Ilona. He didn’t know if the twins were listening but didn’t want to chance it. When he told her about the service he rendered Filbert and Florian, she laughed.

“Father would be furious. He really hated Kalts.”

“Did he?” Alexander asked. “I mean, more than any other barbarian people?”

“Oh yes,” Fausta replied. “Strange how he could forgive Justin for one drunken outburst after another but couldn’t forgive the Kalts for something that happened hundreds of years ago.”

“Father loved Justin as much as either of us,” Alexander rationalized.

“Really?” Fausta questioned. “Then why’d he look the other way when Justin was abusing you?”

Alexander had no answer and he didn’t like to think about it.

“I, for one, will always be grateful to the Kalts,” Fausta commented. “For putting Justin in his place.” She grinned, then added. “They are the reason he drinks, you know.”

Alexander snorted. Justin had, at one time or another, blamed every living thing in the palace for his addiction. “I wouldn’t be this way if Father raised me right!” He would say. To Fausta he would assert: “I wouldn’t be like this if you weren’t Father’s favorite.” He was particularly cruel to Alexander, telling him he wouldn’t be a drunk if Alexander hadn’t killed their mother. It took Fausta ages to convince Alexander he wasn’t responsible.

“In all fairness,” Alexander smiled. “If Justin told me the Kaltish kings were the reason for his drinking, I might actually believe him.”

One evening, as Alexander was lying on the floor trying to sleep, he looked up at the wall and counted twenty-nine marks. With the thought of the thirtieth day, the reality of his imprisonment pierced him. He was never going to see Ilona again.

He rolled over to face the wall so Fausta wouldn’t notice the tears on his cheeks. What if the twin’s story was true and the people were worshiping them again? That would mean he lost her for nothing. He supposed he would never know what happened to his people, at least not in this life.

Fortunately, he was wrong. He was going to find out much sooner than he realized.


Alexander woke to the blinding light of the Kalathean sun. He was lying on the ground among the brambles, looking up at the walls of Lysandria. As he stood, he realized he was dressed in the purple silk tunica of a Kalathean king.

“Good morning, Your Majesty!” Acacia greeted cheerily. She seemed incomplete somehow without her brother beside her. Alexander wondered where he was.

“What is the meaning of this?” He demanded.

“Oh, my brother and I couldn’t help but notice you were missing your wife. We thought a little visit would cheer you up.”

Alexander felt a knot in his stomach. They knew about Ilona.

“I found it!” Jace called, as he appeared beside his sister. He was holding Alexander’s crown. He placed it on the king’s head and stepped back to examine his work.

“How does he look?” Jace asked.

“Perfect!” Acacia replied.

Jace forced Alexander’s hands behind his back and bound them. Then he looped a rope around his neck and started leading him to the city gate like a dog on a leash.

“What are you doing?” Alexander asked, knowing full well he wasn’t going to get an answer. A watchman posted above the gate spotted them approaching. He disappeared and, a moment later, re-appeared running down the main road ahead of them.

Some of the other sentries posted around the gate waited for them to pass, then followed at a distance. When the city people spotted the twins approaching, they sprinted into their houses and slammed their doors behind them.

As Alexander witnessed the Lysandrian’s uncanny behavior, he smiled. “So they surrendered, did they?”

The twins were uncharacteristically quiet as they led Alexander through the palace gate. The guards did not open it for them, but made no attempt to stop them either. The twins opened it.  At least Alexander assumed it was them; it opened by itself.

He hated how fairies could do magic just by willing it. If they waved a wand or chanted a spell or something, it would give him a warning. But they made no outward sign at all, and the way magic just happened around them was unsettling.

They entered the throne room to see the breathless watchman speaking to Senator Clement. A few of the other senators were present as were, to Alexander’s surprise, several Kaltish knights.

“Where is that barbarian queen of yours?” Acacia demanded.

The senators blushed.

“She’s not the Queen,” Clement corrected. “She’s—”

“The King’s wife? Next of kin? The legal ruler whether your like it or not?” Acacia asked.

Alexander found himself attempting to conceal a smile when the senator grumbled: “She’s the acting regent until we find the King’s nearest blood relative. Or you are good enough to return him to us.”

“What do you want?” Ilona demanded as she stormed into the room. When she saw Alexander the rage left her. Her mouth fell open and she looked as if she was holding back tears.

Alexander would have cried himself, except he didn’t think it would be kingly. The sight of her filled him with a strange and overwhelming combination of joy and horror. He was sure that her leadership was what kept the Kalatheans from submitting to the twins, but now that they knew who she was, what was to stop them from taking her prisoner also?

She tried to approach him, but found herself unable to move more than a few steps forward.

“We thought you might want to know about the torments your beloved King has suffered at our hands,” Jace began.

“I haven’t suffered any torments,” Alexander corrected.

“And he will continue to suffer until you surrender to us,” Jace finished shooting Alexander a glare.

Alexander burst out laughing. “Is that what this is all about? Getting Kalathea back? Beings as powerful as yourselves could go anywhere! Do anything! Tormenting us doesn’t even amuse you anymore, does it? You just can’t accept that you’ve lost.”

Acacia glanced sideways at him. A rage burned in that glimpse, though she spoke with an even matter-of-fact tone when she addressed Ilona.

“Don’t you love him?” She asked. “Doesn’t the idea of your beloved rotting for eternity in some filthy prison, bother you?”

“Not as much as being subject to you,” Ilona returned.

“As prisons go, it’s actually quite clean,” Alexander shrugged.

Ilona smiled warmly.

Jace looked at his sister. “What bothers her more than anything, is that she has the resources of two kingdoms at her disposal, yet she can’t do anything to help him.”

Fury flashed in Ilona’s eyes. Jace had struck a nerve. Her fists were clenched, her face was scarlet, she was using every drop of willpower to avoid lunging at his throat.

She locked eyes with Alexander and said: “My brothers are searching every corner of the Earth for some being powerful enough to free you. Don’t lose hope and don’t you dare submit to them.”

“Don’t worry,” Alexander replied. “I fear you far more than these two.”

They exchanged a smile. Then looking to the twins, Ilona declared: “This conversation is over.” She stormed out.


Alexander was humming when they returned him to his prison. The twins had murderous expressions.

Fausta greeted her brother with a bewildered look. “What are you smiling about?”

“He’s snapped,” Jace answered.

“Maybe,” Alexander added. “But I’ve also won. We’ve won. Our people are free—”

Alexander gagged when Jace gave the rope around his neck a tug.

“Careful!” Alexander smirked. “Don’t hurt yourself!”

“A little reminder that you are still a prisoner,” Jace mocked.

“Oh, I am not the prisoner here,” Alexander returned. “You hate me, yet you give me so much of your time. I think that you are my prisoner. Only I’ve left the prison open, even asked you to go, but you are still here complaining about my cruelty.”

Acacia glanced at Jace. “Can we kill him? I’d really like to kill him.”

“There must be a way,” Jace thought.

“Will that make you feel like you’ve won?” Alexander taunted.

“Shut up, Alex!” Fausta scolded. “You have lost it, haven’t you?”

Jace was ignoring them, lost in his thinking. Then he broke into a smile. “Oh, I’ve got it!”

“What? What?” Acacia pleaded.

“A way to kill him! Slowly and painfully with all his people watching.”

“Tell me!” Acacia begged.

“I will, but first, let’s go back to the palace and invite that lovely wife of his to come and witness his destruction.”

“What wife?” Fausta exclaimed. “Alex are you married?”

“Oh, I didn’t mention that?” He replied innocently, as he struggled against his bonds. “Are you going to release me before you go?” He asked the twins.

“No, I don’t think I will,” Acacia sneered. “Maybe your sister will help you. I’ve left a knife around here somewhere.” She smiled at Fausta. “Try not to stab him with it, dear.”

The twins vanished.

Fausta started working at the ropes on Alexander’s wrists.

“They are just taunting you, aren’t they?” She asked. “They don’t actually mean to kill you, do they?”

“I don’t know,” Alexander mumbled. With the twins gone, he allowed his fear to reveal itself. “I think they do.”

“But you said they couldn’t,” Fausta protested. He could feel her hands trembling as she struggled with the knots on his wrists, or perhaps it was his hands that were shaking.

They can’t,” he affirmed.


Alexander woke the next morning to a kick in the ribs.

“Good morning, Your Majesty!” Jace declared cheerily. “Are you ready to die?”

“I hope so,” Alexander replied. “Us mortals should always be ready to die.”

He stretched and started looking around for his sandals. He was still dressed in the garments of a King. He assumed this was what the twins wanted. The Kalatheans were no longer their prisoner, the next best thing was the Kalathean king.

When he’d fastened his sandals, he found his crown.

“I assume you want me to wear this?” He asked as he placed it on his head. Then glancing around, he noticed that Fausta was missing.

“She’s with the other spectators,” Jace explained. “We’ll return her to her people when we’re finished killing you. Maybe they’ll make her queen again, or maybe your wife will execute her for high treason! The people and the Senate can figure all that out later.”

Alexander wondered if the Senate knew about Fausta’s crimes. Even if they did, they might not punish her. After all, the alternative heir was a Kalt. If by some miracle, Ilona stayed in power, she would certainly execute Fausta for treason. The idea of his wife having his sister killed made Alexander sick to his stomach.

Suddenly, Alexander found himself blinking in the morning sunlight. He was standing in a little valley. It must not have been far from the city, for people were crowding the surrounding hillsides. He recognized many of them from the palace. He guessed some magic was preventing them from entering the valley itself.

He noticed his sister standing a few paces away. Acacia was gripping her arm, preventing her from approaching. She must have known there was no way to break free from that grasp, but she kept struggling, unable to stifle the anxiety she felt for him.

“Your Majesty?” Jace said, drawing Alexander’s attention back to him. “You’ll need this.”

He was offering Alexander a sword.

Alexander took it and held it up, inspecting it. “I’m guessing this removes your culpability?” He questioned, then slowly swung it over Jace’s shoulder stopping it just as the blade came to rest against his neck. “Or are you hoping I’ll attempt to cut your head off so you can kill me without consequence.”

Jace was completely unphased. He didn’t even flinch at the weapon’s touch.

“If you choose not to defend yourself, that’s nothing to me,” he shrugged.

Alexander lowered his weapon, wondering who or what they were going to pit against him.

Jace glanced backward over his shoulder. In the hillside directly behind him, Alexander noticed a cave. It was partially hidden behind a patch of bushes. It wasn’t a vast opening, but certainly large enough to house a bear or a lion or some other flesh eating creature.

Alexander’s heart started pounding as the reality of his situation hit him. The twins were about to leave him at the mercy of someone or something they were confident was going to kill him.

“Where is the Queen?” Jace called scanning the crowd.

The spectators pointed to Fausta.

“No the other one,” Jace corrected. “The blonde one.”

“The acting regent?” Senator Clement corrected.

“Here!” Ilona called appearing atop the hill behind the senator.

Jace opened his mouth to address her, but Ilona cut him off.

No.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say!” Jace protested.

“You’re about to tell me you’ll spare my husband’s life if I fall at your feet and beg your forgiveness, and kiss your perfect little toes.”

“How is it you know me so well?” Jace exclaimed.

“Your boring and predictable. Stop talking and get on with it.”

Alexander tore his eyes from the cave and looked up at her. Her expression was cold.

“Ilona!” Alexander called. “Thank you!”

When she met his gaze, her eyes went glassy. She opened her mouth to reply but then closed it and responded with a nod.

Jace gave Alexander’s shoulder a squeeze. “I leave you at the mercy of your kingdom’s deadliest creature. Good luck!”

He sprinted away and flopped down at the base of one of the hills. His sister followed suit pulling Fausta along with her. Alexander gripped his blade, locking his eyes on the cave. Why hadn’t the creature appeared? Were they holding it back by magic until now? Unconsciously, he took a step back.

What was Kalathea’s deadliest creature? He thought of every wild beast that could possibly come charging at him from the darkness. The crowd was completely still, all holding their breath.

Alexander kept moving backward, wanting to put as much distance between himself and the cave as possible. The valley was full of shrubs and brambles that scratched his feet and snagged his clothing.

Then something struck his ankle. He jumped, glancing down to see a rock viper with its fangs buried in his flesh. He swept it into the air with his blade sending it soaring away in two pieces. He slowly lifted his hem and stared in shock at the two tiny drops of blood running down his leg.

“Watch your step!” Jace called.  

Alexander laughed bitterly at his own foolishness. Kalathea’s deadliest creature… Of course, this was prime territory for vipers. A valley like this was probably home to several. He wasn’t watching his feet. He was looking at a cave that was probably empty.

“Do you feel like you’ve won?” He called to the twins.

“We absolutely have,” Jace sneered.

“I’m sure it’s a wonderful feeling,” he quipped. He felt a throbbing pain building beneath the wound. He looked around for Ilona. She had made her way down the hill and was standing as close to him as she could.

“Do you have any idea how easy it would be for us to heal you?” Acacia mentioned.

Alexander ignored her and, swallowing his pain, charged toward Ilona.

“Ah good, run around,” Jace commented. “It will spread the venom faster.”

Alexander was a few paces from Ilona when he found himself stopped by some invisible force. It was like the air tightened around him and wouldn’t release him until he ceased struggling against it. The moment he stopped running, the pain overcame him and he collapsed.

It was a horrible, burning pain, that shot up from his ankle and touched every part of his body. He couldn’t catch his breath, and was trembling violently. He was aware of people talking, calling, shouting all around him. But the pain kept increasing until he couldn’t comprehend anything else.

Someone touched his shoulder. “Alex,” it was Ilona’s voice. She knelt down beside him and gently turned him onto his back.

“The—They let you?” Alexander managed.

“They’re hoping you will convince me to surrender,” she whispered. “They’re pathetic.”

She sat down on the ground, and pulled him up into her arms, so that she was cradling him across her lap. He took a fistfull of her cloak and gripped it so hard, he almost ripped it from her shoulders.

After a long while, the pain in his ankle started to fade, replaced by a tingling numbness. He calmed and looked up into Ilona’s tear-stained face. There was something he wanted to tell her, something critically important. He was confused, each breath took a conscious effort. It was like he had to struggle against something weighing down his chest.

What was it he wanted to tell her? It had something to do with what Jace said before he brought him here.  

“Spare Fausta,” Alexander pleaded.

Ilona looked surprised to hear him speaking. Or maybe she was surprised by what he asked.

“Alex?” She whispered.

“Assuming you stay in power,” Alexander continued, his head clearing as the feeling left his leg entirely. “Don’t punish her as a traitor.”

“You would ask that,” Ilona sniffed. “You’re so damn soft.”

“Don’t misunderstand me,” he insisted. “Put her in prison, just don’t execute her. I don’t trust her and I couldn’t stop resenting her if I lived another hundred years. But…” He paused for a moment trying to catch his breath. “But for reasons that are beyond me, I still love her.”

Ilona leaned in and kissed his forehead. “Alright,” she agreed. “But only because you’re dying.”

Alexander smiled weakly. He felt tears on his own cheeks. He wasn’t afraid to die, but leaving her was agony. Fausta’s betrayal, his banishment, and everything he suffered in between, was worth it because it gave him the chance to know her. He wished he could say something to express the joy he felt being close to her again.

Fausta looked on from a distance wondering what they were saying to each other. They spoke for a long time, completely lost in each other, smiling and weeping all at once. Ilona continued speaking to him, even when he could no longer reply. Finally, she stopped and held him silently for a moment as fresh tears flooded her cheeks. Then she laid him on the ground and stood looking at the twins with rage burning in her eyes.

“Are you happy?” She hissed.

“Are you?” Acacia mocked.

Ilona clenched one hand in the other as if trying to restrain herself from ripping them apart.

Fausta buried her face in her hands. Alexander was dead and it was her fault. Not only had she killed her little brother, she killed a great king. He was strong, relentless, and yet, somehow, just as gentle as he’d ever been.

Acacia turned to Fausta and smiled gleefully: “You’re brothers are both dead. You are Queen again! I mean, assuming the Senate doesn’t execute you for high treason. Did we ever tell them about that, Jace?”

Jace shrugged. “I’m sure the barbarian queen will tell them all about it. Then again, they aren’t likely to believe her. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

Fausta tore away from the twins and ran toward a group of senators that were sitting together on the hillside. She was able to reach them unhampered. Before them and all the people she confessed her crimes and begged to be treated as a traitor.

The people murmured among themselves while the senators argued about what should be done. Then, a single voice rang out from the valley. It was a soft and pleasant voice that somehow overcame the confusion and brought every soul to silence.

“I’m sorry he killed you,” it said.

Fausta turned from the senators and looked toward the speaker. A bent old monk stood in the valley below. A viper slithered around his arms and over his hands, he looked at the creature with a broad, warm, smile. The snake looked up at him, it’s red tongue flickering curiously.

The old man stroked the viper on the head. “He was frightened, you know. Just like you were.”

Jace and Acacia were both regarding the man, petrified.  

He stooped down and let the reptile slither into the brush. “Go finish napping, I’ll make sure no one else steps on you.”

He stood and smiled at the twins. “I wish every fairy could do their job as well as you two.”

“What are you talking about?” Acacia hissed.

“You united two very different peoples. In resisting you, they became stronger than they’ve ever been before. Because of you, the heartless repented, and the good became heroic.”

“You’re wrong!” Jace protested.

“You know I’m not,” the old man smiled. “If making people better bothers you so much, why don’t you sulk off and be on your own for a while.”

“Don’t you have a war to fight?” Acacia accused.

“Of course not,” the old monk replied. “I never fight.”

The twins both went scarlet with rage. Never had Fausta seen their hatred so plainly, nor their fear. They vanished without a word.

The old monk turned and began walking toward Alexander. Fausta raced down the hill after him, her heart pounding. As the old man passed Ilona, he gave her shoulder a little squeeze. Then kneeling down beside Alexander, he said:

“Don’t think you can get out of ruling so easily, My King.”

The color returned to Alexander’s cheeks, his chest rose and fell, and he started mumbling in his sleep.

“Neglecting my duty? What are you talking about?” Alexander mumbled something else incoherent than added: “Fine, Father, I’ll go back but just for a little while.”

He opened his eyes and Ilona burst into tears all over again.

Alexander looked around confused. When he saw the old monk, his cheeks flushed red.

“Where the hell have you been!” He demanded.

“I’m sorry, Alexander,” Brother Joseph replied. “I was protecting war orphans from—”

“No, stop.” Alexander ordered. “Just once, I want to be angry at you without feeling guilty about it.”

“Alright, go ahead.” Joseph smiled. “Tell me when you’re feeling better.”

Alexander scowled silently for a moment. Then sighed. “I can’t do it.”

Ilona helped him to his feet and the moment he was standing, he threw his arms around her and pressed his lips to hers.


If you are ever in Para Sympan, you can go and visit Kalathea. They have a lovely beach resort there and lots of museums. If you have two Euros and a couple hours to wait in line, you can even go down into the crypt where the Kalathean kings are buried. There are quite a few Basils, Constantines,and Justins, but there is only one Alexander.  You’ll find him right between Basil the 14th and Constantine the Barbarian.

When you’re finished in Lysandria, take a bus to the Monastery on Cedar Hill. It’s hardly changed at all since Alexander’s time, except that they’ve added a gift shop. There is an old monk there, who likes to slip free candies to the tourist children. Many responsible adults have tried to dissuade him to no avail. After all, he was doing that sort of thing long before Alexander was born and will continue doing it long after you’re dead.

How to Fight a Fairy Part 2.1

Never fear! I’ve posted the rest of this story, only in two parts because it’s longer than I expected and I don’t want you to have to scroll forever!

Do not read until you’ve read:

  1. How to Kill a King
  2. How to Avoid Assassination
  3. How to Bond with Barbarians
  4. How to Fight a Fairy Part 1

Alright, let’s finish this thing!


When Alexander returned to Kalathea, it was as a candlemaker and not as a king. He arrived in Lysandria, the capital city, driving a wagon full of honey, beeswax and every item that could be produced from these ingredients.

He found an apartment in the heart of the city and introduced himself to his curious neighbors as Alexander Freeman. (Coincidentally, this was the most common name in Kalathea.) Each day, he would push his cart to one of the city’s marketplaces, and make conversation with the locals.

He became the talk of the city, for a number of reasons. For one thing, everyone thought he looked vaguely familiar. For another, he wasn’t even slightly concerned about the increase in the number of Kaltish immigrants. When it came up in conversation, he would shrug and say: “Who wouldn’t want to live in Kalathea?”

Though the people warned him that Kalts were loud and rowdy and probably carrying diseases, he continued to keep their company. He even had two Kaltish assistants, a pair of identical twins, who followed him everywhere he went.

The strangest thing about him though, was that he did not fear the gods. In fact, he seemed to think that they were not gods at all, and that their power over humanity was limited by some magical law. His neighbors wondered if his Kaltish companions put the idea into his head. All the Kalts spoke similarly, but such irreverence was expected of Kalts.

The Lysandrians were suspicious of Alexander, at first, anyway. Everyone who got to know him, found him intelligent and pleasant. He seemed very concerned about how people were faring under the rule of the new gods, and would quietly seek out those who had suffered on their account and offer his assistance.  

Overtime, his neighbors came to respect him, even if he was unusual. Word of his wisdom and generosity spread. The more the people grew to like him, the more they warned him to stop speaking ill of the gods. They told him that if he continued spouting blasphemies the gods would retaliate.

To this, Alexander smiled and replied: “I expect nothing less.”


Alexander lay awake, mulling over everything Eda told him before she returned to war. Each point was critical, yet complex. Or maybe he was just overthinking it and making it complex. He rubbed his aching forehead.

First, she reminded him, that any fairy that kills a human dies instantly. Second, if a fairy causes a human any physical pain, they will feel the pain in equal measure (though it may not be apparent, since fairies have a higher tolerance for pain). Last, she warned him sternly, not to use physical force against the twins. If a human attempts to hurt or kill a fairy, the fairy is free to kill without consequence.

Of course, Ilona responded to all Eda’s points by asking about every imaginable hypothetical situation. Like:

“If two fairies stab a human, killing him at the exact same time, which will die?”

Eda’s typical response was to roll her eyes and say: “Really? When would that ever happen?”

When Ilona persisted, thinking of even more strangely specific scenarios, Eda replied:

“Since I am not in the business of killing humans, I haven’t experimented with the boundaries of this law. I am sure Jace and Acacia could offer more insight.”

Sometimes Alexander wondered if Ilona enjoyed annoying Eda. Of course, Eda was easily annoyed.

Thinking of Ilona brought Alexander back to the present. He sighed and looked at the empty place in the bed beside him. Before leaving Kaltehafen, they made an agreement: they were to stay on the opposite sides of Lysandria and act as strangers on any chance encounter. This was for their mutual safety. The last thing Alexander wanted was for the twins to learn about their relationship and take her hostage.

It was a strange thing. He’d slept alone for nineteen years, but in less than two years of marriage, he’d gotten so accustomed to having her beside him, he couldn’t sleep without her. He should have been more comfortable with the bed to himself. Not only did Ilona take all the blankets, but she also seemed to become entirely knees and elbows at night, unconsciously jabbing his every vulnerable point.

Alexander thought back to the day they parted ways. They held each other for such a long time that Filbert and Florian had to pull them apart, scolding them, and telling them that they had been married too long to be so much in love.

Incidentally, Ilona made her brothers swear they wouldn’t leave Alexander’s side. Even now, they were sleeping in the room adjacent, ready to wake up and apprehend him if he attempted to sneak out. Living with them in close quarters was driving Alexander insane. Then again, he probably went insane long before his journey, around the time he agreed to Ilona’s plan.

“We destroy them the way they destroyed you,” she explained. “But instead of spreading lies, we spread the truth.”

The poison was working against the twins. It seemed that every day Alexander heard murmurs in the marketplace. Snippets of conversation: “Do you think it’s true?” “What would happen if we resisted?” “Why should we submit to their cruelty?”

Though there was much talk about the limits to the twin’s power, until someone was brave enough to confront the gods and test the theory, no one was likely to resist them.


Alexander woke to the sensation of something crawling across his blanket, directly over his chest. He opened his eyes to see Filbert and Florian both standing over him with horrified expressions.

Filbert had his blade raised and Florian was holding his arm whispering: “Don’t, you’ll kill Alexander.”

“What’s crawling on me?” Alexander grumbled.

“It’s a crab demon with a catapult stinger on its rear!” Florian hissed. “Don’t move!”

Alexander rolled his eyes. He gripped his blanket and sat up slowly, allowing the enemy to slide into his lap. Then he took the lamp from beside his bed and crushed the crab-demon to oblivion. Filbert and Florian made a horrified gasp with each blow.

Alexander took the flattened remains by the tail and held it up for the twins to see. He couldn’t help but smile as they shrunk backward.

“This is a scorpion,” he explained.

“What happens if it stings you?” Filbert asked.

Alexander widened his eyes in mock horror.

“Heaven forbid!” He exclaimed. “You might end up with an itchy swelling on your arm! Even warriors such as yourselves couldn’t bear it!”

The horror faded from their faces. Filbert lowered his blade.

“You’re hilarious,” Florian remarked. “Any other demon creatures you forgot to warn us about?”

“Let me think,” Alexander began. “Lots in the sea, on land just the scorpion. Oh, and the rock viper. Hides in the brush, the bite is lethal. So don’t step on it.” He yawned, tossed the scorpion aside, and pulled the blanket over his head. “Other bugs I think… I dunno.”

“Why on Earth do you want this kingdom!” Filbert complained. “It’s full of bity, stingy, things!”

“Don’t bother them, they won’t bother you,” was Alexander’s muffled response.

“That scorpion was definitely trying to kill you!” Filbert protested, then paused when the sound of some commotion rose up from the street.

Alexander leapt out of bed and threw open the window. The entire Senate (he counted twice just to be sure), was standing in the center of the square as if dropped there from above. Beside them stood two beautiful figures dressed in silk and adorned with gold. He guessed these were the twins. People were pouring out of the houses and side streets curious to see what horror was about to take place.

Alexander dressed quickly and threw open his door. Florian grabbed his shoulder.

“Us first,” he ordered. Then pushed passed Alexander.

Alexander grumbled to himself. He appreciated their help, but wished they wouldn’t treat him like a child.

“I’m so glad you’ve all come!” Acacia announced, as the crowd gathered round. “I think you are going to like what we have to tell you!”

“It’s come to our attention,” Jace began. “That many of you are beginning to question whether you should follow us.”

“It’s only natural that you would,” Acacia soothed. “Doesn’t every child question their parents from time to time?”

Alexander worked his way toward the front of the crowd, ignoring Filbert and Florian’s orders to stay back.

“And when children rebel, isn’t it necessary for their parents to correct them?” Acacia added.

“Certainly!” Jace agreed. “Not to punish of course, but merely to explain why they need their parent’s guidance?”

Alexander stopped behind the first line of spectators. Up close, he recognised many of the senators and didn’t want to risk being recognized himself.

“You need us because you are evil,” Jace explained. “It’s that simple. You fight, you steal, you act selfishly, and you need us gods to…” He smiled venomously. “Help you practice virtue.”

“We’ll show you what we mean,” Acacia continued, then gestured to the senators behind her. “You, the people, have decided that these men are the wisest in your kingdom and most worthy of respect.”

A few of the spectators snickered.

“You’ve selected them to govern over you, to represent you. Yet there is not an honest man among them.”

The woman adjacent to Alexander, rolled her eyes and mumbled: “I’m shocked.”

Those around her stifled their laughter.

“Each of these men,” Acacia continued. “Has claimed to be superior to the others. Some by their intellect, some by their deeds, and some by being of noble birth.”

“Now we demand a sacrifice,” Jace smiled. “And we, as gods, demand only the best that humans can offer.” He turned to the senators. “Tell me which of you is the greatest? That man will be sacrificed.”

The square suddenly became so silent you could hear a scorpion scuttling on the cobblestone. The senators all looked at each other.

“Well, gentlemen?” Acacia pressed. “You always seemed so sure about this before. Why the hesitation?”

That’s when Alexander became aware of an opportunity, one he couldn’t afford to miss. He broke from the crowd. Filbert and Florian muttered profanities as he slipped from their grasp and stood before the twins.

“I’ll make this easy for you,” he exclaimed. “I am the greatest by virtue of my birth and I would gladly offer myself as a sacrifice to the gods.” The corner of his lip turned up very slightly as he added: “I only ask that they would honor me, by taking my life with their own hands.”

“It’s true!” cried one of the senators. “This is Prince Alexander, son of our late King Basil. No one can claim to be more worthy than him!”

The entire Senate agreed. All affirming his identity (even the few who hadn’t met him), and acknowledging his kingship.

A murmur ran through the crowd as Alexander’s neighbors suddenly realized why he looked familiar.

Meanwhile, Jace and Acacia burst out laughing and didn’t stop until they had almost suffocated themselves.

“You know something?” Jace coughed. “I can’t remember the last time I was surprised!”

“Delightful? Isn’t it?” Acacia replied. “I’d almost forgotten how it felt! You’ve done us a great service, Your Majesty!”

“Why don’t we spare him?” Jace suggested. “He can pick which senator should be sacrificed.”

“Excellent suggestion!” Acacia answered. “How about him?”

She pointed to one of the men Alexander remembered as being particularly supportive of his execution.

Alexander furrowed his brow, and stood silently for a moment as if deep in thought. What he was actually doing was reading the crowd. The Kalatheans were captivated by the scene unfolding before them, eager to see to see how Alexander was going to test their gods. The Kalts were watching the Kalathean guardsmen posted around the square. Most of them were Filbert and Florian’s knights, present to protect Alexander and their own kings if trouble arose.

Filbert and Florian were both motioning to Alexander, in an attempt to communicate their displeasure without revealing themselves. Alexander responded to them with a subtle shrug.

Then he answered the fairies. “By my order, we will not sacrifice anyone to you, because you are not gods and we owe you nothing. If you want someone sacrificed, you will have to do it yourselves.”

How such a large crowd could go so silent, Alexander didn’t know. It was like everyone was holding their breath, waiting to see what the gods would do to him.

“He’s much bolder, than I remember,” Jace smirked. “Last time I saw him, it seemed the only word he knew was ‘Fausta’.”

Acacia put her hand on her brother’s shoulder and gave him a nostalgic smile. “Oh yes! I remember that! Even when she finally sentenced him, he couldn’t quite comprehend her betrayal. He just kept saying her name until they dragged him off.”

Alexander felt himself wincing at their words, an anger more pure and more ravenous than any he’d ever felt before was bubbling up inside him. And that was exactly what they wanted. He breathed deeply and silently prayed for the grace to keep calm.

“I know what you are,” Alexander stated. “I cannot force you to leave, but I will not serve you either, and I will not allow you to terrorize my people any longer.”

“Is that so?” Acacia smiled, then looking up at the crowd, held up her finger: “A moment, please.”

All at once, Alexander was standing in a private room in the palace. Jace and Acacia were both lounging on couches looking at him as if he’d just played an excellent practical joke.

“Why are you here?” Jace asked. “I mean why are you really here? Is it because you want vengeance or because you cannot resist the chance to be a king?”

Alexander turned his back to them. He knew they had no interest in dialogue. They were trying to manipulate him. The more he engaged them, the more tools they would have at their disposal.

“No, no,” Acacia answered her brother. “You see, taking vengeance or reclaiming his kingdom would be handling his problems. It’s Alexander’s nature to ignore his problems and hope they go away. Just as he is ignoring us now.”

“So why do you think he is here?”

“Hhhhhmmm,” Acacia thought. “Probably guilted into it by some internal sense of duty.”

Alexander turned back to them. “I have nothing to say to you privately. Now return me to my people or I will walk back on my own.”

“Aren’t you going to ask—” Jace began.

“No,” Alexander snapped.

“Where your sister is?” Jace finished.

Alexander’s heart pounded. He desperately wanted to know this. It was bait. He wouldn’t bite.

“No,” he affirmed and began walking toward the exit.

Suddenly, he found himself stumbling backward and landed with a splash in a shallow pool of water. When his alarm wore off and he was able to orient himself, he saw that he was sitting in a fountain in the square where he began.

The place was still crowded with people, talking among themselves as they tried to make sense of events.

Alexander couldn’t believe it. The twins threw him into a fountain. He had no idea why it made him so angry. Afterall, he was expecting them to torment him, or find some round-about way of killing him. He never expected something so juvenile. Were they superior beings or spiteful little children?

A woman nearby noticed his stumble, and rushed over to offer him her hand. He couldn’t help but smile when he recognized Ilona.  

“Your Kaltish assistants are looking for you,” she said as she pulled him to his feet. “They seem very upset. One of them was saying, if the gods returned you safely, he is going to kill you himself. You are really irritating the twins, you know.”

“Which twins?” Alexander asked.

“Both pairs, actually,” she grinned. “Well done!”

Alexander glanced around. The people nearby were starting to notice his reappearance and spreading word to their neighbors.

He gave Ilona’s had a little squeeze and said: “Thank you, Miss.”

She replied with a warm smile before disappearing into the crowd.

As he stepped out of the fountain, the people circled around him, all talking at once, all asking him and each other, what happened and where he’d been. Then one of them remembered he was King and knelt before him. All the others followed suit.

As Alexander stood, wet and disheveled, looking over his kneeling subjects, he turned slightly pink and remembered how much he hated being the center of attention. He forgot his humiliation, however, when Jace and Acacia appeared on either side of him. They were looking particularly smug. Acacia was tossing an apple between her hands playfully.

“Alright, Your Majesty,” Acaca sighed. “My brother and I discussed it and agreed to surrender your kingdom peacefully if—”

“I don’t need you to surrender anything,” Alexander asserted. “This kingdom never belonged to you and it isn’t yours to return to me.”

“But you do want us to leave, don’t you?” She asked sweetly.

“Absolutely,” Alexander replied.

“We will leave you all in peace, if you prove yourself worthy by passing three trials.”

“No,” Alexander returned. “Why do you keep acting like this is some kind of negotiation? I can’t make you leave, but I am not going to serve you either. Stay or go, it’s up to you.”

Jace reached out and grabbed Alexander by the sleeve. There it was. That inhuman strength and the powerlessness he felt every time he was confronted with it.

“We’ve tried to be patient with you, Alexander,” he threatened. “But I am afraid your insolence requires a firmer hand.”

“Fine, punish me!” Alexander snapped. “Call down fire from Heaven to consume me! Crush me beneath the rubble of these buildings! Send me to my God however you see fit!”

The amusement subsided from the twin’s faces. When they made no immediate response, Alexander looked at the sky with an expression of mock concern.

“Is Heaven out of fire?” He jested.

A few of the spectators chuckled. It was only then that Acacia demonstrated her superhuman strength. She crushed the apple she was holding in her fist. It exploded sending pulp flying in all directions. She jumped and looked at the sticky mess in her palm with disgust.

She drew a cloth from the air and used it to wipe her hand clean.

“I’m not omnipant or anything, but if you can materialize a cloth couldn’t you simply dematerialize the pulp?” Alexander observed.

The crowd erupted into laughter.

Jace released Alexander’s shoulder with a little shove sending him tumbling to the ground.

“Arrest him!” Acacia ordered.

Alexander leapt to his feet and looked to see if the guards were obeying. He prayed they wouldn’t. The Kalts would rush to his aid, and the last thing he wanted was Kalts and Kalatheans fighting.  

He saw some approaching to his dismay. Even if he ordered the Kalts not to interfere, Filbert and Florian wouldn’t listen.

“Stop!” One of the senators shouted and rushed to block Alexander. “Did we not just acknowledge him as King?”

Alexander recognised the man. He had a C name, it was… Constans, Clemens… Clement. That was it. He had been on the Senate since the dawn of time and Alexander used to wonder if he kept getting reelected because he was especially qualified, or if it was because the people just couldn’t imagine the government without him in it.

He addressed the twins. “If you want to punish him do it yourselves!”

All the people cried out in agreement. The rest of the Senate, fearing their voters more than any kind of god, also ordered the guards to stand down.

 Jace exchanged a look with his sister. She mouthed something to him and he responded with a nod.

Then, all at once, Alexander couldn’t draw breath. No one was touching him, he couldn’t feel anything in his throat, yet he couldn’t inhale.

“Is something wrong, Your Majesty?” Acacia questioned. “You look a little pale.”

Alexander looked at Jace. He was standing just behind his sister. His arms were crossed and his brow was furrowed. Alexander could see his own pain reflected in Jace’s eyes.  

Jace couldn’t torment him indefinitely, relief had to be imminent. Alexander crumbled to his knees gasping unsuccessfully. Suddenly, air filled his lungs, never in his life had anything tasted so sweet. His breath left him again, as quickly as it returned.

Jace was now standing before him, releasing a string of vile insults while Acacia stood aside in pained silence. They were switching places, sharing the burden so they could continue tormenting him. Until what? Which ever one killed him would die too.

Alexander crumpled to the ground, then everything faded and he remembered no more.


The end.

Just kidding, here’s the rest: How to Fight a Fairy Part 2.2

How to Fight a Fairy Part 1

STOP!

Don’t read this until you’ve read:

How to Kill a King

How to Avoid Assassination

How to Bond with Barbarians

Are you all caught up? Okay, you now have my permission to proceed.

(Not that you need my permission. I’m not your mom or anything. I just don’t want you to be confused.)


“Let’s play a little game,” Acacia said, a sinister smile curling on her lips.

She was in one of Kalathea’s old amphitheaters, looking out over the arena. For the first time in six hundred years, the place was packed with spectators, all looking at Acacia with eyes full of both horror and anticipation. Beside her, stood one of the kingdom’s most respected senators. In all his years of service, no one had witnessed such fear in his eyes. Jace stood just behind his sister, biting his lip to contain his giddiness.

Below, circling the area, snarling, and growling, was a pride of lions. The creatures were the victims of cruelty—scarred and bruised and emaciated. They fought among themselves, their desperation for nourishment turning them against each other.

“Look there,” said Acacia, placing one hand on the senator’s shoulder and pointing with the other to two iron gates that opened onto the arena. “Behind the first door are five villagers. I haven’t seen them myself. They might be elders or children, who knows! Behind the second is a lovely young lady, intelligent, beautiful, looking forward to a bright future. Oh yes, she’s also your daughter.”

Acacia’s grin broadened when she saw the color drain from the man’s face. “Tell me, Senator Clement, which gate should we open?”

“Neither,” was his barely audible reply.

“If you don’t choose we’ll open both,” Acacia sneered. “And you’ll have the blood of all six victims on your hands.”

Jace walked up behind the man and whispered: “Do you know what the best thing is about this, Senator? If you choose your daughter, the people will hate you for killing the villagers. But if you choose the villagers, we’ll tell everyone that you sacrificed your daughter to win their votes!” He smiled gleefully. “There’s no good outcome for you, I’m afraid. Maybe you’ll think twice before opposing us in the future?”

“Where is the Queen?” The Senator demanded. “I want to speak with her immediately.”

Acacia laughed. “Why does everyone keep asking that?”

“It really is an irrelevant question,” Jace added. “Why would you need a queen, when your gods have returned?”

This was only the most recent of the twin’s cruel games. They regularly gathered the people to witness such events. Each one involved a complex moral dilemma illustrated with the lives of random citizens.

If the people had been paying attention, they might have noticed that their new gods never killed anyone themselves. Certainly, they would threaten those who opposed them. Lightning would strike the ground immediately beside the person in question, sometimes the earth would shake, sometimes fire would surround the victim, but each time someone was actually executed, it was a human agent that carried out the order.

Not a soul among the Kalatheans knew that fairies couldn’t kill humans without killing themselves. Few mortals did. One of those mortals was in Kaltehafen, trying desperately to distract himself from the awful feeling that was nipping at his heart.


Alexander sat in the great hall, staring vacantly at his uneaten food.

“Are you thinking about your dream again?” Ilona whispered.

“Hmm?” Was Alexander’s only response.

“I thought so,” she replied. “Do you want to go talk about it?”

“I don’t know,” Alexander shrugged.

What was left to talk about? After he dreamed of his father, he asked everyone if they had any news of Kalathea. He asked Florian, the friars, the merchants he knew from his time as a candlemaker, but no one could tell him anything. How could he act on a feeling he couldn’t confirm? And even if he could confirm it, what was he supposed to do?

The last thing he heard about Kalathea, was what Eda told him the day she brought him to Kaltehafen.  Jace and Acacia were still with his sister their game unfinished, their next move unclear. Something awful was happening in Kalathea. He didn’t know how he knew, he just did.

But how was it his concern? The kingdom was no longer his responsibility. As for Fausta, this was all her doing. Anything that happened to her, was her own fault.

He hardly even missed Kalathea. Well, he missed a few things, like the turquoise blue of the ocean, the warmth of the summer breeze, the history, the art, the culture, the mild winters, and access to running water. He really, really, really missed running water.

Alexander kept hoping that Brother Joseph would come to see him. Surely, he would have some news and some advice to go along with it. He hadn’t seen the old monk since his wedding and had no idea how to contact him. In his experience, fairies contacted mortals. Never the other way around.

He rubbed his forehead. He had an awful headache. It was frustrating to have a feeling that he could neither get rid of, nor do anything about. Since he wasn’t sure who to be angry with for this dilemma, he chose God by default.

He grumbled a prayer in his mind.

If there’s something You want me to do, You might be a bit more straightforward. The least You could do is send someone to help me.

In that very moment, Eda crashed through the ceiling.

She landed in a crater in the middle of the floor. The entire hall stood looking dumbstruck at the smoking hole and its crumbled occupant.

Ilona leapt over the table and ran toward the crater. Alexander followed cautiously. By the time he reached the perimeter of the newly formed pit, Ilona was already kneeling beside Eda.

Eda looked like an Amazon warrior with her ancient armor and the sword clutched in her hand. She lay with her eyes closed, battered and bloody. Alexander had never seen her look so… mortal.

“Is she alive?” He mumbled. The idea of a fairy dying shook him to the core.

“I don’t know,” Ilona started. Then Eda’s eyes shot open and she leapt to her feet. She pointed her blade toward the opening in the roof and cried:

“WHY DON’T YOU COME AND FINISH ME! WHAT’S IT TO YOU IF WE CRUSH THESE PUNY MORTALS?”

When she received no reply, she let out a maniacal laugh that put villains everywhere to shame.

“AS A THOUGHT, COWARD!”

She looked around the room at the dumbstruck spectators and declared:

“I am Eda, the Fairy of War and I—”

“Wait a moment,” Alexander interrupted. “I thought you were the Fairy of Prudence.”

“Silence!” Eda snapped. “I will not be reduced to a mere personification! I am the fairy of many things!”

“How dare you speak to—!” Ilona began, but Eda cut her off.

“Alexander, is that you?” She asked, squinting.

“Yes?” Came Alexander’s confused response.

“Ah, good! I have something critically important to tell you about Kalathea!”

“What is it?” He pleaded.

But Eda’s eyes closed and she crumpled back down in the crater and lay still. Alexander had no idea what to do, so he had Eda carried to a bed and then sent for a physician. The physician’s prognosis wasn’t hopeful.

“She’s dead,” he declared.

“Are you sure?” Alexander asked, turning white with horror.

“Well she isn’t breathing and doesn’t have a heartbeat so, yes.”

“But she’s not human, maybe…”

“I am afraid humans are all I really know,” the doctor shrugged. “I suppose you could always leave her out in the sun a couple of days and see if she starts to decay.”

Alexander turned green.

“Leave who, where?” Came Eda’s voice. She was sitting upright on the bed as though completely refreshed and ready to leave.

“Oh look at that,” the doctor marveled. “I suppose you were right.”

“Oh Alexander, you didn’t send for a human physician did you?” Eda sighed. She started dabbing her forehead with her fingers and mumbling. “Oh please tell me he didn’t drill a hole in my head.”

“Don’t be absurd,” The doctor rebuked. “I’d only do that if your blood was stagnating.”  

“Of course, I sent for a doctor, you were… dead,” Alexander defended.

“What do you expect a doctor to do for a dead person?” Eda asked.

“That’s what I was wondering,” the doctor added.

Alexander opened his mouth to speak but was too confused to think of a reply. Ilona came to his rescue.

“So what can we do to help you? She asked.

“Nothing,” Eda answered. “Don’t do anything, please. I’ll heal myself.”

“Fine,” Ilona answered. “You’ll have all the time you need. Now are you going to tell me why you blew a hole in my roof?”

“Excuse me, Your Highness,” The doctor interjected. “But may I leave now? This is all completely beyond me.”

“Oh, of course,” Ilona answered. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“Ilona, perhaps we should come back later when Eda’s had a little more time to heal?” Alexander suggested.

“No!” Ilona protested. “No one smashes a hole in my roof without explaining themselves.”

“Come now, Ilona,” Alexander petitioned. “Have a little mercy, she was dead a moment ago.”

“She looks fine to me,” Ilona answered. Then turning to Eda said: “I expect you to answer all of my questions clearly and directly. No riddles. No games. No telling us we have to learn for ourselves.”

“I like you,” Eda smiled. “Of course I will explain everything, but first, there is something critical I must tell Alexander… what was it…” She rubbed her forehead thoughtfully.

“Was it about Kalathea?” Alexander asked hopefully.

“Yes!” Eda replied. “I was going to tell you… Do not to go back there under any circumstances!”

“I have the death sentence there,” Alexander reminded. “I wasn’t planning to go back.”

“Right,” Eda remembered. “But there was another reason…”

Alexander wondered what other reason he needed.

She furrowed her brow thinking. “I apologize. This was all so clear to me before I got ambushed…”

“Ambushed?” Alexander exclaimed.

“Yes,” Eda answered. “Just a moment…”

“Was it the twins?” He interjected.

Eda laughed “The twins? Really, Alexander?”

Alexander couldn’t see what was so amusing about his question.

“Oh that’s right!” Eda remembered. “We were going to help you take back your kingdom.”

“You were?” Alexander asked blanky.

“You might have told him that,” Ilona grumbled.

Eda rolled her eyes: “I thought it was obvious. Did you really think we’d make you live in Kaltehafen for the rest of your life?”

“Is there something wrong with Kaltehafen?” Ilona asked.

“In any case, none of this matters now,” Eda sighed. “We’ve gone to war, Alexander and…”

“With who?” Ilona interrupted.

“Just some rebels, it isn’t important,” Eda dismissed.

“Fairy rebels?” Alexander asked.

“No, gnome rebels,” Eda replied rolling her eyes. “Of course they are fairies! Who else would we go to war with?”

“That seems important to me,” Alexander commented. The idea of two groups of god-like beings throwing each other through buildings struck him as something humanity should know about.

“It’s no concern of yours, remember we can’t kill humans, even accidentally, without killing ourselves. Why do you think my enemy left me, after I fell through the roof?”  

“So you’re using us as a shield?” Ilona scolded.

“Absolutely!” Eda replied. “It’s not hurting you, is it? And Alexander owes me a favor anyway.” She looked at Alexander. “Since this war isn’t likely to end in your lifetime, and you can’t defeat the twins on your own, you won’t be able to reclaim your throne. I’m so sorry, Alexander. You are just going to have to live out your life quietly, beekeeping or painting or whatever it is you do.”

Alexander couldn’t believe what he was hearing. A fairy telling him to forget about Kalathea and move on with his life. It was exactly the validation he was hoping for. He felt a surge of joy, and then immediately felt guilty, remembering that he was only free because the fairies were at war.

“I suppose the twins have gone away to war also?” Alexander asked hopefully.

Eda laughed. “You think those two would pick a fight with an equal? They’re children! They’ll stay in Kalathea until they lose interest in Kalathea.”

“Oh,” Alexander replied. His heart sinking.

“That’s why you must never go back, Alexander,” Eda insisted. “No matter what you hear.”

“What would I hear?” Alexander asked.

“Rumors, news, happenings, anything. Ignore it.” Eda answered.

“You have some news, don’t you?” Ilona accused.

“It doesn’t matter,” Eda replied. “You can’t do anything about it, so why do you want the burden of knowing?”

“We can… pray,” Ilona replied.

Eda narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

“My sister is in Kalathea,” Alexander insisted. “If she is in some kind of danger don’t I have a right to know?”

“Human curiosity is the bane of my existence,” Eda sighed. “Fine.”

The first thing she told them, was that no one had seen Fausta in months. Then she told them of the twin’s sadistic games, and how they had set themselves up as gods over the people.

The news was like a knife in Alexander’s heart. His father’s words were true, the people were in danger. The news of his sister’s disappearance troubled him more than anything. He didn’t know why. He told himself over and over again that it was her own fault. It didn’t make him feel any better.


Alexander’s brush hovered over a blank panel. At the moment, he couldn’t remember who he was supposed to be painting on it. Maybe one of the apostles? God’s mother was always a safe bet.

He set his brush down. It was only a day since Eda’s unexpected arrival, and he couldn’t concentrate. Eda insisted he let the matter drop, but he couldn’t. He picked up his brush and tried again to focus.

“I have an idea!” Ilona proclaimed, bursting into Alexander’s workshop. He jumped, dropping his brush into a an open paint jar, speckling himself and everything around him.

Florian charged in after her. “Yes! We have an idea!” He repeated.

“About what?” Alexander asked, recovering his brush.

“About saving the Kalatheans!” Ilona exclaimed. “I’ve been thinking about it alot and it occured to me that if fairies are unable to kill humans themselves, then they are only as powerful as their human agents—”

“Take a breath, Ilona,” Alexander interrupted. “You’re turning blue.”

Ilona breathed deeply, and then continued speaking at her previous rate.

“So all we have to do is inform the people of this weakness, and then they won’t have to follow the twins anymore, and they will be free!”

“If by the human agents, you mean the entire Kalathean army, that is pretty powerful,” Alexander answered.

“Not as powerful as the Kaltic army!” Florian added gleefully.

“Exactly!” Ilona replied, bouncing up and down with excitement. “Which is why, my brothers are going to conquer Kalathea, give it back to you, and then you are going to inform the twins that the people will no longer serve them. Problem solved!”

Alexander looked at Ilona with one eyebrow raised and his mouth slightly open.

“First off,” Alexander began. “What makes you think the Kaltic army stands a chance against the Kalathean army?”

“Because,” Florian replied smuggly. “We crushed you in 368, and in 513, and in 782, and just ten years ago, Filbert and I sent your brother Justin home to his father in tears.”

“You fought my brother?” Alexander asked.

“Who didn’t?” Florian answered.

“Fair,” Alexander shrugged. “But even if the Kalts could conquer Kalathea, the only thing that could possibly make my people hate me more than they do already, is if I lead a barbarian horde against them. No, I think Eda is right.”

“Of course I am,” Eda answered, materializing right behind Alexander. He jumped, overturning a jar of green paint. This was the first time Eda had left her room since she crashed in. She didn’t look improved. She was battered and pail and judging by her expression, irritable. Alexander worried that she would drop over dead again. Even if she wasn’t actually dead, he didn’t want it to happen. It was alarming.

“You cannot fight them,” Eda insisted. “They’re your superiors in power and intelligence. They may not be able to kill you directly, but oppose them and they will have their vengeance.”

“There you have it,” Alexander answered, looking for a rag to wipe up the puddle of green.

“We cannot abandon your people, Alexander,” Ilona insisted. “If there is even a small chance that we could be successful, we have to take it!”

“Exactly!” Florian agreed. “We will storm Kalathea and free the people or die trying!”

“How noble of you,” Eda commented dryly. “Noble and stupid.”

“Is that any way to speak to a king?” Florian snapped.

“Not your prefered way, I’m sure,” Eda answered. “But I’ve said worse to greater kings.”

“Why you insolent little—” Florian started and continued with a string of threats and insults that only fed the amusement in Eda’s eyes.

As Alexander mopped up the puddle of green, he listened for Ilona to join the argument. This was usually what happened whenever Florian started ranting. Ilona would intervene, and the situation would escalate, and once they had a good fight, they would calm down and Alexander could lead them in a respectable discussion.

But Ilona didn’t say a word. Alexander stood, holding the sopping green rag in his hand and looked at her curiously.

She was lost in thought.

“…In all my thousand years, I’ve never heard that word used that way,” Eda was saying to Florian. “I admire your creativity.”

Before Florian could produce a fresh wave of insults, Ilona spoke.

“I have another idea,” she interjected suddenly, and the attention of all turned to her.


Even Eda couldn’t deny that Ilona’s idea had a chance of being successful. A very small one, she noted, before telling them again that they were mad for even trying.

Alexander believed it could work.

Ilona discussed her idea with him late into the evening. He listened mostly, weighing their chances of success in his mind. He told her he needed time to think, and when she went to bed, he lingered behind, wandering the castle corridors as he struggled with something he hadn’t said.

He didn’t want to do it.

If he proceeded with the plan, he risked losing everything. And even if they were successful, then he would have to be king again which was almost like losing everything.

But the suffering of the people weighed on his heart. He was the last heir of Kalathea, how could he abandon them? Then his mind wandered back to the night of Justin’s murder. He remembered how the people swarmed around him and beat him and tore at him and called for his head.

He remembered standing before the Senate, searching the crowd for one kind face and finding none. He remembered how Fausta avoided his every attempt to catch her eye. He never felt so loathed and so alone.

He didn’t care if Kalathea burned.

He started back toward his room. In the morning, he would tell Ilona he was going to take Eda’s advice, and forget the whole thing. He felt a knot in his stomach. She wouldn’t like it. He didn’t completely like it himself. He tried to ignore his dissatisfaction but the tugging on his heart grew stronger the closer he came to his room.

It was inescapable, relentless. He became angry.

What do you want me to do?  He thought. None of this is my concern!

He stormed into his room. He saw a lump of blankets that had once been Ilona. He didn’t worry about waking her. Nothing could wake her once she was asleep.

He took the knife off his belt and started looking for the little chest where he usually kept it. The chest was always in the same place, and Alexander would have spotted it in an instant if he hadn’t been tangled in his thoughts.

What kind of a fool would I have to be to risk my own happiness for the people who tried to kill me?

He found the chest, and tossed his knife in. The sound of it knocking against something pulled Alexander back to reality. He withdrew the second item.

It was Brother Joseph’s gift, the worn wooden crucifix. It was then he realized exactly what sort of fool would do something like that.

He clutched it in his hand, and sinking to the floor, buried his face in his knees. He stopped rationalizing with himself. He knew what he had to do. He’d always known.

In his heart, he accepted his mission. All at once the tugging ceased and at last he was at peace with himself. No less angry about what happened in his past, no less afraid of what was going to happen in the future, but now he had a clear path he was determined to follow no matter what.


In the weeks that followed, Alexander worked closely with Ilona and Florian to set their plan in motion. He couldn’t remember ever seeing the siblings so excited. Their every interaction was filled with lively chatter as if Christmas was coming and they weren’t all about to die.

Eda on the other hand, was not happy and made communicating this her life’s mission. She would appear at random during their preparations and try to talk them out of it, saying things like: “Why don’t you just fling yourselves off the outer wall? It would be a more efficient and less painful.”

She was recovering, as far as Alexander could see. He wasn’t sure if her visible wounds were real, or if she was just manifesting her injuries in a way that humans could comprehend. Fairies were a such a puzzle.

The more she recovered, the more short tempered and out of sorts she became. Alexander wondered if the war was weighing on her mind. He wished he could do something for her, but helping his own kind was challenge enough. He wouldn’t have any idea how to start with a fairy.

Late one afternoon, he returned to his room in search of a book. He was hoping to finish it before he marched off to certain death. If things went according to plan, that would be in about a month’s time. He found Ilona lying on the bed, sound asleep. He thought it odd that she was asleep so early, and fully clothed, and on top of the covers.

When he approached to check on her, he was alarmed to find her breathing faint and her heartbeat so soft and slow, he could barely find it at all. He tried desperately to wake her and was about to call for help, when someone spoke.

“She’s alright, Alexander. I’ve just put her in an enchanted sleep.”

He looked up to see Eda standing between himself and the door.

“I am about to do the same to you.”

“What? Why?” Alexander cried.

“Since you are intent on going to Kalathea with or without my help, I am going to put you to sleep until the war is over. Now I recommend you lie down, I don’t want you to collapse and hit your head on something.”

“But what about her brothers? If this war is going to last as long as you think, they’ll be dead when we wake. She’ll be heart broken.”

“So I’ll put them to sleep also,” Eda shrugged. “I’ll put this whole damn kingdom to sleep if it will make you happy, you’re not going back to Kalathea without me.”

She took a step forward and Alexander took a step back. He didn’t know why, once she decided to knock him out, it wouldn’t matter where in the room he was.

“Wait, please!” Alexander protested. “Isn’t this my choice to make?”

“Certainly,” Eda replied. “And knocking you out is my choice to make. It’s called free will, kid.”

“Did the High Council approve this?” Alexander questioned.

Eda laughed. “If I asked them to approve everything I did, I’d never get anything done.”

“Would they approve it, if they knew?”

Eda’s lips tightened.

“What, what about Alika and Brother Joseph, would they agree to this?”

“They aren’t here to offer their opinion,” Eda replied.

“So now you’re rebeling,” Alexander accused. “Just like Jace and Acacia and… whoever it is you’re fighting.”

“I don’t need a mortal lecturing me about the error of my ways,” Eda responded flatly. “It’s demeaning.”

“What makes me so important!” Alexander snapped. “Is my life worth more than all the Kalathean’s who will die while I am trapped here?”

Eda paused. Her eyes became glassy.

“No, Alexander. Your life isn’t worth more than theirs. It’s just… of all the people I’ve been assigned…” She blinked until her eyes cleared and sighed. “I like you, Alexander and I want you to live.”

Alexander softened. “Is your purpose to keep me alive or to help me do what’s right?”

Eda glared at him, but gave no answer. He noticed a tear on her cheek, before she turned her face away.

“To be completely honest,” Alexander continued. “I don’t want to do this either. I’m terrified. Terrified of dying and even more terrified of living as a king. Everything in me wants to abandon this mission. Please, Eda. I need someone to help me do what’s right.”

Eda wiped her eye with her wrist and grumbled: “I hate my job.”

“If it’s any consolation,” Alexander answered. “I hate mine too.”

The corner of Eda’s lip turned up very slightly.

“Go kiss your wife,” she ordered. When she saw Alexander’s confused expression, she added: “It will wake her up.”

“Oh…” Alexander answered. He wanted to question this, but didn’t think it was the appropriate time. Instead he shrugged and said: “Of course it will.”

He started back for Ilona.

“Oh, Alexander,” Eda said. “Don’t lose hope. No matter what happens, remember we will be coming for you as soon as we can.”

“Thank you,” he replied.

Alexander knelt down beside the bed, but as he leaned in to kiss Ilona, he paused and looked up at Eda with a horrified expression.

“How were you planning on waking me up?” He asked.

Eda snickered. “I like you, kid. But not that much. Same way I do any magic, by willing it.”

Alexander breathed a sigh of relief.


To be completed June 7th.

Two Part Finale!

So, I’ll be posting the finale of my Alexander series in two parts. I’ll publish part one tomorrow and part two on June 7th.

The reason for this is because:

Katy’s PR department: “Two part finales are in! All the cool kids are doing two part finales!”

The actual reason: Katy needs more time to finish the ending.

There you have it! See you tomorrow!

How to Bond with Barbarians

You know what doesn’t make sense? This story, unless you’ve read the others in the series:

How to Kill a King

How to Avoid Assassination

Other stories referenced but not critical to your understanding:

Rouvin the Philosopher

Now, where were we? Para Sympan, Middle Ages, Northwestern Europe, another totally legit, historically accurate, not made-up, kingdom called Kaltehafen. Ah yes, here we go:


“How’s the swamp?” Eda smirked.

It was spring. The air was finally warming and the forest was ablaze with colorful wildflowers. Despite this, Alexander had locked himself in his house and plugged every opening with old rags. If Eda hadn’t materialized in the middle of the room, she would never have gotten in.

The swamp was infested with bees.

“It’s… um… very pretty,” he answered forcing a smile. He picked up a piece of bark and scraped a stinger out of his arm. “Lots of flowers and um… lots of bees.”

“Found any gold yet?” She asked, her smirk broadening.

He shook his head.

She looked at the swelling sting on his arm. “It seems to me, it found you.” She glanced around the room. “You really should get some more candles, Your Majesty. It’s dark in here.”

“I wish you wouldn’t speak in riddles,” Alexander commented.

Eda looked offended. “Why do you always assume I am speaking in riddles?”

“Can I get you something?” Alexander sighed. He didn’t know whether or not fairies needed to eat like humans, but thought it polite to offer. “I don’t have much left, um… I have some bread, it’s a bit stale though.”

Eda took a seat on an old crate. (Alexander didn’t have any chairs.) “Stale bread isn’t so bad if you put a little honey on it.”

Alexander raised an eyebrow. Why would she think he had honey? Peasants didn’t have honey. It was rare and expensive. His mouth fell open.

“Why, Alexander,” Eda said. “You look as if you’ve just solved a riddle! It’s about time, that was excruciating.”

Alexander had no idea how to extract the honey from the bee hives, but Eda promised she would send someone to help him. The next day, a band of lost friars knocked on his door. They’d come to ask for directions, but when they saw bee hives they started jumping up and down and singing Te Deums.

The friars were destined for a nearby monastery, and when they arrived there, they told their fellows about the wonderful discovery in Alexander’s swamp. All through the summer, they came and went, first showing Alexander how to extract the honey, and then showing him how to make candles and soaps out of beeswax.

Alexander would load a cart with these items periodically and take them into the city to sell. The local merchants noticed that he was fair and straightforward and the friars loved him for his diligence. He was a new and exciting face. The townsfolk spoke of him frequently, commenting on his knowledge, generosity, and manners.

As Alika promised, his reputation flourished. He became known in the city as Alexander the Greek. He tried to correct this at first, but soon realized that most of the townsfolk were uneducated. He doubted any of them could find Kalathea on a map.

When the bees returned the second year, Alexander was prepared for them. His skills improved, he sold more, he gained more confidence. When he needed help, he went to visit the friars. He made a decent living for himself and decided to use some of his earnings to take up painting again.

When he was a prince, this was his favorite pastime. He spent the winter mixing colors by candlelight. His art was mostly the faces of the saints, but now and then he diverged, immortalizing the faces of other people. He started to paint his parents, but had to imagine how his mother looked, since she died when he was a baby. When he realized she probably looked like Fausta, he left that painting unfinished.

The third year came and went and Alexander realized that he was comfortable and content. He never imagined becoming a candlemaker, but it was certainly better than being a king. Still, he had a hole in his heart. He was respected by everyone but did not have any true friends. Not a soul knew who he really was and keeping that secret made him feel isolated.

On a cold afternoon during the fourth Autumn, Alexander pushed his cart along the road to the city. It was to be his last load that year. The sky was heavy with grey clouds and he prayed it wouldn’t snow until he returned home.

He suddenly heard hooves thundering behind him.

“STOP!” A woman cried.

Alexander dropped the cart and swung around in alarm. Two riders halted before him. The first was a woman of royal blood, adorned in colorful raiment and jewelry. A crown circled her head, atop her white veil. The second was a mountain of a warrior, likely the woman’s guard.

Alexander bowed respectfully.

“Are you Alexander the Greek?” She demanded.

“I am,” he answered.

“Excellent! Egbert grab him,” she ordered.

“Sorry, what—” Before Alexander could finish speaking, the warrior rode up behind him, grabbed him by the shoulder, lifted him onto his horse, and sent the animal charging forward.

“Who are you? What is the meaning of this?” Alexander demanded.

“I am Princess Ilona!” She cried galloping after him. “Sister of King Florian of North Kaltehafen and King Flibert of the South! I require your services!”

“I am a free citizen!” Alexander protested. “And I demand you stop immediately and explain yourself!”

Ilona laughed. “Citizen? How like a Greek!”

“I am a Kalathean!” Alexander retorted indignantly.

“Same thing!” She returned.

“No! Not remotely!” Alexander snapped. “I thought a lady of your status would know that! I forget you’re still a barbarian.”

She slowed her horse a bit so she was riding parallel to Egbert and looked at Alexander with a devilish grin.

“That’s exactly what a Greek would say!”

Alexander’s mouth dropped open for a moment, then his face went scarlet. “How dare you!” He started, but she charged on ahead. “You kidnap me! You insult me! You can’t—” He continued calling after her but she ignored him.

He finally ceased calling and started brooding silently. Getting kidnapped by a princess was the pinnacle of humiliation.

At last, they came to an open plain. Alexander could see a battle encampment in the distance. He prayed that it wasn’t their destination. God heard his prayer but ignored it.

Ilona rode straight into the midst of the soldiers and dismounted. Egbert halted just behind and dropped Alexander on the ground. He leapt to his feet, hoping to retain whatever dignity he had left.

A knight with a massive blue plume in his helmet, greeted Ilona with a low bow.

“Princess,” he said. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I need to speak with my brother, it’s urgent.”

“Of course,” the knight answered. “I will tell him you’re here.”

“Well?” Alexander demanded. His arms were crossed and he was scowling at the princess. “Are you going to explain yourself?”

“My stupid brothers are fighting again! I brought you here to so you could talk some sense into them!”  

Alexander stared at her blankly.

She sighed. “Last month, Filbert came to stay at Castle Erkscrim so we could all celebrate the harvest festival together. There we were, enjoying the feast like a peaceful, respectable family, when Filbert mentions that he’s been reading the philosopher Severinus and agrees with his theory that the entire universe is made up of triangles. Then Florian said that he’d been reading the philosopher Caius and that the universe is actually made up of nautilus spirals.

Alexander rolled his eyes. “That’s a massive oversimplification. Rouvin later clarified that the movable elements are made of nautilus spirals and the immovable elements are made up of triangles.”

“THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I TRIED TO TELL THEM!” Ilona exclaimed.

Screen Shot 2019-04-06 at 9.22.58 PM

“Wait, you’ve read Rouvin?” Alexander asked, his scowl shrinking slightly.

“Of course I’ve read Rouvin!” She snapped. “I’m not completely ignorant, you know!”

“So why wouldn’t they listen to you?”

“Because women are incapable of reason,” she replied.

“So they’ve read some Rouvin too,” Alexander mumbled thoughtfully. “But why me? Couldn’t you send any other man in to talk to them?”

“I’ve heard that you are knowledgeable on such matters. The friars speak very highly of you, you know.”

“If I talk to your brothers, will you let me go home?”

“Of course I will.”

“Alright,” Alexander grumbled. “I’ll talk to them, but I can’t promise it will change anything AND I expect full payment for anything in my cart I find damaged or missing on my return.”

She laughed. “My brothers may be idiots, but they are very dear to me. If you save them, I will give you anything your heart desires.”


Having pointless philosophical arguments was how aristocrats entertained themselves in the middle ages. This was true in our own universe and in Para Sympan. And like many who entertain themselves in this way, the kings knew a little about philosophy but thought they knew a lot.

Ilona finally convinced the two of them to sit down with Alexander in Florian’s camp. Alexander had to look back and forth between them a number of times to make sure his vision was correct. They were identical twins. He was grateful Florian had a beard or he would have lost track of which was which.

He stayed with them long into the night, gently asking them questions and directing their thoughts. Each time one brother became enraged it only took a few patient words from Alexander to calm him. When the dawn came, the brothers left the tent laughing together.

“You have enlightened me, Alexander!” Florian exclaimed, giving him a slap on the back that sent him stumbling forward. “The movable elements! It makes so much sense!”

Ilona rolled her eyes and muttered several unladylike words under her breath.

“To think, we almost killed each other!” Filbert laughed.

Florian slapped his hand on Filbert’s shoulder. “I’ve been trying to kill you since before I was born!” They both dissolved into laughter.

Ilona was not amused.

“No more philosophy,” she insisted. “I don’t like what it does to you two.”

Alexander bowed deeply to the kings. “If there is nothing more I can do for Your Majesties, I really must be getting back to my cart.”

“You can’t leave now!” Florian exclaimed. “You must come back to castle Erkscrim! My brother and I are going to throw a feast to celebrate the restoration of our friendship!”

“Oh no,” Ilona breathed, she grabbed Alexander by the arm. “My brother is right! You will be our guest of honor! We will seat you right between our two kings!”

“But—” Alexander began, sending an anxious glance toward the cloudy sky.

She slipped a coin purse into Alexander’s hand and hissed: “Don’t worry about the cart. The security of the Kingdom is at stake!


The feast triggered memories of the Kalathean palace. So many faces all talking at once, so many unwritten social rules to remember. Alexander didn’t like feasts—well, he liked the food just not the atmosphere. He was surrounded by people yet felt completely alone. The feast at Erkscrim was worse than the ones in Kalathea because he only knew the hosts, and them only a little.

He spent most of the evening listening to the conversation. Filbert and Florian loved quoting the philosophers and did so liberally. Their actual understanding of the philosophy was superficial. When they spoke, he felt embarrassed for them. Then there was Ilona. She wasn’t able to add much to their discussion because they kept talking over her and interrupting.

This irritated Alexander because he was sincerely interested in her opinion. He wasn’t sure who she had read or how much, but she seemed to have an understanding that her brothers lacked.

When the feast was drawing to a close, she stepped away. Alexander followed her, eager for an excuse to get out. He found her looking out into the bailey at the heavy snowfall. Her face was white with horror.

“Is everything alright?” Alexander asked.

“Look at that snow,” she said. “It’s been falling heavier and heavier. Do you know what that means?”

Alexander shook his head.

“It means Filbert can’t leave tomorrow! And if this winter is anything like the last, it’s only going to keep snowing, and we won’t be rid of him until spring!” She looked at Alexander with an exasperated expression. “If I have to be stuck in here with those two all winter, I am going to fling myself off the north tower!”

“It can’t be that bad,” Alexander answered, although he had enough experience with siblings to know that it could be. In fact, it could be a lot worse.

“My only consolation is that you are stuck here too! If you can’t keep those two civil, no one can!”

Alexander’s heart sank. His little house wasn’t much but it was his own private space. His paints were there too. He hoped Ilona was wrong about the snow, otherwise he’d be imprisoned with strangers for months.

He told himself that at least it wouldn’t be so damp, and the food would certainly be better, and Ilona made interesting conversation. Then something wonderful occurred to him.

“Princess,” he asked. “Do you have books here?”

Books were not something he could afford on a candlemaker’s salary. He had to go to the friary when he wanted to read.

“Of course we do,” she answered. “Follow me, I’ll show you the library.”

Alexander’s heart skipped. He could tolerate almost anything for the sake of books.


Being able to read again made Alexander so happy, he forgot that he was angry with the princess for kidnapping him. He sat beside her in the library late into the evening talking and pouring over books for hours. As the night wore on, their conversation became less and less intelligent and everything became amusing, and they found themselves laughing together at absolutely nothing.

The days came and went one after another and Alexander was the happiest he’d ever been. He wasn’t sure why, he had books back in Kalathea. What he didn’t have was a close friend. Ilona was intelligent, adventurous, and had a bold, slightly irreverent sense of humor. He spent every possible moment in her company.

She often spoke of her brothers which made Alexander aware of two things: First that she adored them and second, that she was always on the verge of strangling them. One evening, after a particularly long rant, she asked Alexander if he had any siblings.

“A brother,” Alexander answered. “But he died a few years ago.”

“I’m so sorry,” Ilona answered. “Did he die fighting?”

Alexander thought a moment. “No, I don’t think he ever saw it coming.”

“Don’t you have any family left?” She pressed.

“No,” he answered. “My father died a few years ago and my mother died before I was born.”

Ilona snorted in an attempt to conceal a laugh. It didn’t work. The laugh burst forth and she turned bright red as she tried to stop herself. “I’m so sorry, Alex!” She cried. “It’s not your parent’s deaths—”

Alexander realized what he said and smiled sheepishly. “After I was born,” he corrected.

“I know! I know! That’s what you meant!” She answered. “I shouldn’t have laughed, but you said it so seriously!”

“It’s alright,” Alexander smirked. “We both know you’re a heartless person.”

“You’re never going to let me forget this are you?”

He shook his head, his smile broadening triumphantly. This made her laugh all the more.

Once she’d recovered herself, the conversation moved to other things. Alexander felt a twinge of guilt at leaving Fausta out of his description. These days, he avoided thinking about her, as if ignoring her existence would erase her betrayal.

As time passed, Alexander started noticing other things about Ilona. He noticed the blue of her eyes. All the Kalts had blue eyes, but hers were the most blue and the most perfect and the most lovely. He guessed that she had golden hair like her brothers, but couldn’t tell because she was always wearing a wimple. He attributed this to her modesty (though the actual reason was because her ears were cold). Each feature complimented the others, never was a person so perfectly made.

She caught him gazing at her over the top of his books on more than one occasion. Each time he turned scarlet and return to his reading.

As time passed and the snow started to melt, Alexander felt a weight on his chest. The coming spring made him realize that he didn’t want to leave Ilona, and not wanting to leave Ilona made him realize that he loved her. Loving her, in turn, made him realize that he was a commoner. For the very first time, Alexander wished he was still a king.


For the last two weeks before the thaw, Alexander spent most of his time hiding in his room. Occasionally, he encountered Ilona in the halls, and then he kept their conversations brief. It tore him apart. It didn’t help that Ilona kept trying to find him. She noticed his aloofness, but no inquiry on her part could produce the reason.

One evening, as Alexander hid in his room with his nose buried in a book, he heard a familiar voice.

“You’re hurting her, My King.”

Alexander looked up to see Brother Joseph standing at the foot of his bed. He sighed. He was getting tired of the fairies appearing wherever and whenever they wanted without warning. He glared over the top of his book at the old man.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he grumbled, though he knew exactly what Joseph was talking about.  “And stop calling me: ‘My King’.”

“If you feel like distancing yourself is the right course of action, then do it. But tell her why first.”

Alexander turned red and hid his face deeper in his book. “I can’t. It would humiliate her.”

“Her?” Brother Joseph asked with a hint of a smile.

“But supposing she isn’t ashamed?” Alexander let the book fall into his lap and looked at Joseph wide-eyed. “Supposing she returns my affections? That would make our parting all the more painful.” He sighed. “Either way it will be painful.”

“With all due respect, My King,” Brother Joseph replied. “If you are unwilling to feel pain, you are incapable of love.”


Brother Joseph was right of course. He was always right.

Alexander sent the princess a note asking if they could meet in the garden. Waiting for her to arrive was worse than waiting for execution. He paced back and forth wringing his hands until he saw her approaching. She greeted him with a warm smile.

Alexander bowed to her. “Princess, thank you for meeting me here. I… um…”

He’d rehearsed it countless times in his head, but it wasn’t coming out anything like he imagined.

“I feel like I… I wanted to explain why I’ve been so cold.”

He realized that his hands were shaking. He kneaded them together in an attempt to calm his nerves.

Her pleasant smile broadened slightly.

“I don’t want you to think I don’t like you. On the contrary, I think you are lovely, very lovely, the loveliest person I’ve ever met.” He was turning red and starting to shrink. “I um…I think I… I know I…” Here it came, the death blow. “I love you.”

She was grinning ear to ear but Alexander didn’t seem to notice, he quickly added: “I don’t expect you to return my affections, I know I am not worthy of a princess.”

“Oooooooohhhhh,” she replied. “That’s what you’ve been worried about.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “For heaven’s sake, Alexander! You’re so dramatic.” She started walking back toward the keep and gestured for him to follow. She was chuckling. “I really wish you’d told me that earlier!”

Alexander was feeling lost. He imagined several possible reactions, some involved anger, some involved tears, and most involved scoffing. He was completely unprepared for whatever it was she was doing.

She threw open the door to the great hall and stormed in. The kings were sitting around a table with their knights and nobles. Everyone looked at the princess as she entered.

“My dear brothers!” She called. “There is a matter that is weighing heavy on my heart!”

“What is it, sister?” Florian replied.

“Alexander the Greek is leaving in the morning and we haven’t properly thanked him for the service he’s rendered to our family.”

Alexander finally caught up to Ilona and bowed to the kings.

“You’re right!” Filbert said. “He saved our lives!”

“Yes,” Added Florian. “Saved us from ourselves! That was no small feat.”

“I want you to swear before Alexander, before me, before God and,” Ilona gestured broadly across the room, “before all the good men assembled here, that you will give him anything he asks for.”

“We swear it,” agreed the kings.

“Really? Even if he asks for all the gold in Kaltehafen?”

“He shall have it!” Florian exclaimed and all the room cheered in agreement.

“What if he asks for the heads of all his enemies?”

“Then we shall hunt them down!” Filbert exclaimed and all the room cheered in agreement.

She looked at Alexander with a mischievous smile and cried. “What if he asks you for the hand of the princess in marriage?”

“He shall have—” Filbert started then stopped himself. “Wait a moment, you’re our baby sister, not some prize!”

Ilona looked at her brother horrified. “You just swore before your entire court that you would give him ANYTHING!”

“Yes, but, that was hyperbole!” Filbert continued. Florian was looking back and forth between Ilona and Alexander with a knowing smile. He swatted his brother on the back of his head.

“I, at least, am a man of honor!” He declared. “And even if he asked for what is most precious to me, I would gladly give it.”

The people cheered once again.

“But!” Filbert began.

“Brother,” Ilona answered Filbert. “I am ashamed of you. What kind of king doesn’t keep his promises? But, we are getting ahead of ourselves, why not let him speak for himself?”

“Yes, Alexander,” Florian agreed. “How can we reward you for your service?”

When the attention in the room went to Alexander, Florian whispered something into Filbert’s ear. Filbert glanced back and forth between Alexander and Ilona, a glimmer of realization entering his eyes.

Alexander had his hands folded in front of his lips thoughtfully. He was concealing a smile, his face was scarlet. Then for the first time in his life, he spoke boldly before the royal court:

“For the service I have rendered your family, I will accept nothing less than the hand of the princess. I cannot think of anything you could offer me that I would treasure more than that.”

Ilona was struggling to keep a straight face, and even Alexander couldn’t hide his amusement.

“So be it!” Florian cried. He looked at Ilona. “I am so sorry, sister. It’s for the good of the kingdom, you know.”

“I know my duty, brother,” she replied. “And if marrying this handsome, cordial, Greek, is what I have to do to uphold Kaltehafen’s honor, that is a sacrifice I am willing to make!”

She ran to Alexander’s side and then turned back toward her brothers. “You promise you won’t fight at our wedding feast?”

The two kings swore that they would be on their best behavior which made the court cheer all the more. Alexander and Ilona ran from the hall, hand in hand. As soon as they passed out of the hall, they dissolved into a fit of hysterical laughter.

“I suppose this means you love me too?” Alexander asked when he’d finally caught his breath.

She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. “What do you think?”


Alexander was in a giddy daze when he returned to his room that evening. When he closed the door behind him, he leaned back against it allowing the happiness to consume him.

“Congratulations, My King,” came Brother Joseph’s voice. “I’ve never seen you look happier! Actually, I’ve never seen you look happy at all. It suits you.”

“Thank you,” Alexander answered, too much in a daze to be annoyed with the old monk’s random appearance.

“How does it feel to be engaged to the kings?”

“What are you talking about?” Alexander asked, with an amused half smile.

“When you marry someone, you marry their family too, you know. Love them or hate them, Filbert and Florian are now part of your life.”

“They’re not so bad,” Alexander answered.

“Don’t you think Ilona should know what she’s getting?”

Alexander’s giddiness subsided. “I don’t have any family.”

“Telling yourself that over and over doesn’t make it true.”

Alexander was silent.  

“And what happens when a diplomat from the Kalathean court comes to visit Kaltehafen and recognizes you? How will that impact Ilona?”

Alexander wrung his hands thoughtfully.

Brother Joseph reached around him to open the door. Then he took Alexander by the shoulders, turned him around, and pushed him out.

“Now, I don’t want to see you back in here, until you’ve told your new family the whole truth.” Brother Joseph started to close the door, that stopped when he saw the terror in Alexander’s eyes. “I wouldn’t worry too much, My King. Things seem to work out well for you, when you’re straightforward with the princess.”


Again, Alexander was frustrated with the old monk, but he knew he was right. He wondered if this would change anything, or if Ilona would believe him. He found Ilona and begrudgingly told her everything. He told her of Fausta’s betrayal, his escape, and the fairies that helped him along the way. He left nothing out.

Ilona’s expression became angrier and angrier as he continued.

“I am so sorry, Ilona,” he said as he finished. “I should have told you this before. I understand if—”

“You mean to tell me,” she interrupted. “That your fairy godmother let you endure years of abuse from your siblings before she decided to help you?”

“I am sure she had a good reason,” Alexander explained. “Apparently they exist to teach people virtue, maybe—”

“Well, I’d like to teach her a thing or two about virtue!” Ilona snapped, pounding her fist into the palm of her hand. “I suppose we should tell my brothers about this.”

“Do you think they’ll be upset?” Alexander asked.

Ilona laughed. “On the contrary, they will be delighted that I’m marrying a king!”

“Former king,” Alexander corrected.


Filbert and Florian were enraged when they heard about the injustice Alexander suffered and offered to sack Kalathea for him. Alexander thanked them but refused. They did not understand this decision, but respected it.

His secret now revealed, Alexander felt a great weight lifted off his shoulders. A little later in the spring, he married Ilona. What followed was the happiest year of his life. He made painting his primary occupation and soon every church in Kaltehafen and all the surrounding kingdoms was decorated with his artwork. In his spare time, he was with Ilona in the library. He had all the privileges of royalty without any of the responsibilities. It was paradise.

Then one evening, he had a dream.

He saw his father standing at the foot of his bed.

“There you are, Alexander! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! What are you doing in Kaltehafen?” His father noticed Ilona asleep beside Alexander. “Wait a moment, did you marry a Kaltish girl?”

Alexander threw the blanket over her head.

“No,” he answered.

“Oh, well if you had, I would have complimented you on your diplomacy.”

“Why are you here, father?” Alexander asked. “I thought you were dead.”

“And I thought you were in Kalathea,” his father replied.

“The Kalathean’s didn’t want me,” Alexander answered. “So, I made a wonderful life for myself here.”

His father grimaced. “Really? In Kaltehafen?”

“Yes, father,” Alexander scowled.

“You need to go home, Alexander. Your people are in danger. Your sister is in danger.”

“What kind of danger?”

Alexander awoke before his father could specify.

He tried to dismiss the dream, but the more he ignored it, the more he felt a tugging on his heart, a persistent feeling that Kaltehafen was not where he was meant to be.


To be continued… (We’re almost done! I promise!)

How to Avoid Assassination

STOP! This story won’t make much sense unless you’ve read How to Kill a King. It might not make sense after that either. But then, do any of my stories make sense?

Other stories referenced, but not essential to your understanding:

Scott the CEO

Elves vs Elves

Now where was I? Para Sympan, Middle Ages, Southeastern Europe, the totally legit, historically accurate, not made-up kingdom of Kalathea… Ah yes, I was about to tell you Alexander’s story.


 

Apparently, Alexander was no longer the king. This didn’t upset him since he hadn’t wanted to be king in the first place. The thing that did upset him was finding his elder brother murdered, his sister telling the entire palace that he did it, the senate taking his crown and giving it to her, and the new queen sentencing him to death for said murder.

He paced back and forth across his tiny prison cell, rebuking himself for not being more vigilant.  His father tried to warn him that something like this might happen. In the weeks leading up to his death, the king would say things like:

“Be careful who you trust, son,” and “even those closest to you could turn on you, son,” and “Fausta is definitely going to try to murder you and take over the kingdom, son.”

Alexander paid little heed to this warning. He couldn’t imagine Fausta doing something like that and, without his father, who else could he turn to for advice?

Certainly not Justin. Justin was rarely home, and when he was, Alexander made a point to avoid him. He learned long ago, that encounters with Justin usually ended with a kick in the stomach or a bleeding lip.

Growing up, it was Fausta who defended him from Justin’s cruelty and it was Fausta who came up with clever and subtle ways to enact vengeance on their brother. When Alexander was very little, he’d trail after Fausta all day with wide eyes full of admiration. Even when they had grown, he still looked at her like that from time to time. She always knew what needed to be said, and could find a clever way out of any situation, no matter how difficult.

When his father named him heir, he begged him consider giving the honor to Fausta. His father refused.

“Why?” Alexander asked. “Is it because she’s a woman?”

“No,” his father replied. “It’s because she’s heartless.”  

“She’s never been anything but kind to me,” Alexander insisted.

“You’ve never been a threat to her,” his father replied.

Alexander hugged himself with his arms. The prison was cold and he’d been stripped of his long kingly tunica and dressed in a worn linen garment. It was sleeveless and only came to his knees.

It occurred to Alexander that he’d be seeing his father again in the morning. He’d probably have to spend the first few hours of eternity listening to a long lecture about how he should have been more vigilant.

Though he resented Fausta for her betrayal, he realized she couldn’t have done what she did, unless the people hated him too. When his sister accused him of Justin’s murder, they leapt to tear him apart. It was almost like they’d been waiting for an excuse to kill him. Somehow, he must have failed them miserably.

Alexander wanted nothing more than to honor his father by being the best king he could be. Unfortunately, there was more to being a good king than what he could learn from books. Kings always knew what to say. Alexander never knew what to say. Kings knew how to build relationships. Alexander was terrified of people. Kings were eloquent. Alexander’s every sentence was punctuated by “ums” and “uhs”. He could understand but not express his understanding. When he spoke, he made a fool of himself.

His father originally planned to send him off to a monastery when he came of age. He did not understand why his father changed his mind. Alexander longed for what could have been. A life of quiet contemplation and icon painting. What did it matter now? In the morning, he’d go to his father a failure, and that bothered him more than anything.

His head throbbed. There was a nasty gash just above his eyebrow. He assumed he got it when he was attacked by the murderous rabble, though the evening was such a blur, he couldn’t be sure. Instinctively, he tried to rub the cut, but winced when his fingers brushed it.

He lay down on the stone floor and curled himself into a tight ball. He struggled to keep his eyes open. Sleeping would only bring the dawn faster. Even if they were miserable, he wanted to experience the last few hours of his life. His weariness soon overcame him and neither pain, nor cold, nor a fretful mind could keep him from falling asleep.


He was startled awake by the sound of footsteps and the warm glow of lamplight. Assuming it was the guard coming to get him, he rose to his knees, folded his hands and prayed that God would forgive him for being a terrible king, and a terrible son, and a terrible person in general.

Alex,” came a harsh whisper.

“Fausta?” he replied, opening his eyes. Sure enough, it was his sister who stood before him with a lamp in one hand and the guard’s key ring in the other. She was glancing around nervously.

He felt a rage bubbling up inside him. There were so many things he wanted to say but he couldn’t find the words to express them. So instead, he turned his back to her and stood with his arms crossed glaring at the floor.

“Alex you need to come quickly,” Fausta ordered. “If you aren’t out of here by dawn, they’ll kill you.”

Alexander looked over his shoulder at her with one eyebrow raised. “Wasn’t that the idea?”

“Oh Alex,” she replied. “You didn’t think I was actually going to have you killed, did you?”

Alexander was too confused to think anything. All he could do in that moment was feel a strange combination of rage, anxiety, and suddenly, a tiny glimmer of hope.

“I’d never kill you, little brother,” Fausta assured. “Not if I could avoid it.”

Alexander had no idea how to reply. He just stared at her with an expression of disbelief and then obediently followed her to the city gate. There she gave him her necklace and instructed him to sell it in the next village.

“You should get enough to last you until you’re safely across the border,” she explained. “Find yourself a monastery somewhere. It’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?”

“Good bye, sister,” was all he said in the moment. However, several hours later, as he followed the road away from the capital city, he formulated a better response in his mind.

I shouldn’t have doubted you, sister! How could I think you were going to kill me? All you did was have me framed for murder, beaten, overthrown, and publicly humiliated!

He sighed. Why did he always think of the right response in the wrong moment?

He thought of several more, each he liked better than the last. He kicked himself for not thinking of them sooner.

He walked adjacent to the road at a distance to avoid being seen by other travelers. He doubted anyone would recognize him in his current state, but didn’t want to take the chance. Somehow Fausta’s rescue infuriated him. If she had him killed, he could have assumed that she hated him pure and simple. Her rescue proved that she did care for him, just not as much as ruling Kalathea. She made it very clear that if he was caught before he crossed the border, she couldn’t do anything to protect him. He supposed mercy would ruin her image.

Maybe someday he’d return with an army of loyal followers, take back his kingdom, and see how she liked listening to an angry mob call for her head. He sighed. Who was he kidding? He wasn’t going to take back his kingdom. He was going to do exactly what his sister told him to do. Leave Kalathea and become a monk. It sickened him to think that he was giving her what she wanted, but what else was he supposed to do? No one wanted him to be king, not even him.

He felt his stomach grumble and stopped brooding for a moment so he could think about food. Luckily, he saw the silhouettes of buildings rising ahead of him against the brightening horizon. Where there was a village, there was something to eat. He approached cautiously, avoiding the road and instead slipped between the houses and shops that made up the town.

The warm and lovely smell of fresh baked bread caught his attention. He followed the scent through the winding streets until he came to a bakery. It looked like the baker was just preparing to open for the day. The folding door that covered the storefront was closed except for two panels.

The rest of the shops along the street were closed completely, and Alexander couldn’t see or hear anyone. He crept across the cobblestone street and cautiously peered through the opening in the door. The place was empty but it wouldn’t be for long. There was a fire in the oven, and sitting out on one of the countertops was a basket of freshly baked loaves.

It occurred to Alexander that he was about to steal from a villager. It gave him an awful feeling. Perhaps his situation was dire enough to justify stealing, even so, some poor slave would probably get blamed for it and take a beating on his account. He couldn’t live with that.

He thought of trading Fausta’s necklace somewhere, and coming back later to buy the bread, but that would mean being seen and potentially recognized. At last he decided to take a loaf, and leave the chain from the necklace in payment. So he removed and pocketed the pendant, crept into the shop, and withdrew the smallest of the loaves. As he went to leave the chain on the table, a firm hand snatched his wrist.

“The sun’s barely up and I’ve already caught a thief. This is going to be a long day.”

The speaker was a woman.  Everything about her was orderly. Her brown hair was neatly pinned up beneath a veil. Though the surrounding surfaces were dusted with flour, there wasn’t a speck on her clothing. Her presence was commanding and Alexander wished he would drop dead rather than continue to endure her formidable gaze.

Avoiding Assassination Featured

He tried to jerk his wrist out of her grip, but her hand remained unmoved. She was unusually strong for a woman. He jerked his wrist again. She was unusually strong for a human being. He got the impression she could snap his wrist with a flick of her own.

Since he could not retreat, he had no choice but defend himself.

“I am not a thief,” he blurted and immediately realized that, under the circumstances, it was the stupidest thing he’d ever said.

“Really?” the woman replied, a glimmer of amusement in her eye. “Just popped in to make sure everything was in order?”

He had no idea what to say. Every excuse that came to mind was ridiculous, so he settled on the truth. He looked at his feet, prayed silently for a moment, then said: “I came in to take the bread, but I am no thief. I was going to leave this in payment.” He nodded to the chain in his hand.

The woman released him, took the chain, and held it up for inspection.

“Do you have a name, kid?” she asked.

“Pri— Kin— just, um, Alexander,” he stuttered and immediately decided he surpassed the stupidity threshold he set a moment earlier.

“Well, Alexander,” the woman replied. “My name is Eda. I am no thief either, but that is exactly what I would be if I only gave you a bit of bread in exchange for this.”

She took a few coins from her pocket and placed them in his hand.

“Fair enough?” She asked.

Alexander remained petrified like a rabbit in the shadow of a hawk. For some reason, he was feeling distrustful lately, and couldn’t convince himself that she was actually letting him go.

“Alright, fine!” She grumbled and placed another coin in his hand. “But you strike a hard bargain, my friend!”

“Why…” he began, but he wasn’t sure what he was asking. Why was she letting him go? Why was she showing him kindness? Why did she believe him?

“You know, I’m not sure,” she replied as though reading his mind. “I suppose it’s because I’ve decided I like you, Alexander. And that’s a high compliment, because I don’t like many people. Now I’m sure you have somewhere to be, off you go!”

Alexander scurried away feeling slightly less discouraged but no less confused.


As Alexander left the village, he noticed a beggar woman sitting by the road. He took one of the coins he had in his pocket, placed it in her hand, and continued on his way.

After a few hours of walking, his steps became more difficult, and it took a conscious effort to keep his eyes open. It occurred to him that he’d hardly slept at all the night before.

When he could no longer force himself to press on, he found a clump of boulders and lay down behind it, hoping he would be concealed from view.

He woke to a kick in the ribs.

“On your feet, kid!”

The speaker was a Kalathean guardsman. He was one of two, who stood over Alexander with weapons drawn.

Alexander froze in an attempt to blend in with his surroundings.

“We can do this two ways, kid.” The first guardsman continued. “You can resist, in which case we’ll kill you, or you can surrender peacefully and we will take you back to the capital so they can kill you properly.”

Alexander stood slowly, choosing the latter option.

“You know if we drag him all the way back to the capital, we’re going to be stuck there until tomorrow,” the fellow guardsman complained.

“Ug, you’re right,” answered the first. “Do you think we’d get in trouble if we just killed him now and sent his head back?”

“Why would we? The outcome will be the same, won’t it?”

The first considered this.

“If anyone asks,” whispered the second. “He went into a rage and almost killed us.”

“It was us or him,” agreed the first.

Luckily, as the first guard raised his blade, he was struck with that unexplainable paralysis that comes over people who try to kill the hero of an incomplete story, and in that very same moment, someone spoke.

“That’s an innocent man you’re about to kill.”

The speaker was the beggar woman from the village gate. She looked different somehow. She was standing tall and confident, holding Alexander’s captors at bay with her gaze.

“Madam,” the first guard replied, with a respect that seemed uncanny for a guard to give a beggar. “This boy is a dangerous criminal.”

“You’re mistaken,” she asserted. “I know him quite well. He’s a friend of mine.”

“Not that well, he killed a man!”

The guard had lowered his weapon in a motion that seemed involuntary and stood unusually still.

“Really?” The woman answered. “How do you know it was him?”

“Well he matches the description,” the man explained. “Right down to the slash above his eye.”

“What slash?” The woman asked.

The guard stumbled forward as though he’d suddenly pulled himself free of snare. He grabbed a fistful of Alexander’s hair and brushed his bangs aside with the tip of his blade. He stared at Alexander’s forehead for an uncomfortably long moment before releasing him.

“I suppose he doesn’t,” was the guard’s dazed reply. He looked toward his fellow, who shrugged.

“Do me a favor?” The woman asked. “Next time you go to decapitate someone, please double check and make sure you have the right person.”

“Of course, madam,” the guard agreed. The two continued on their way in silence, occasionally glancing at each other and then back toward Alexander with baffled expressions.

Alexander slowly raised his hand to his forehead. Where he expected to feel the cruel wound, he touched healthy skin. Perhaps it was the shock of his inexplicable healing, or maybe it was the slow realization that he’d just escaped death for the second time that day, but he was suddenly feeling very light headed.

“Sit down! Sit down!” The woman urged. She ran to him and taking him by the arm, helped him sink down so he was sitting with his back against one of the boulders.

“Who are you?” He asked.

“My name is Alika,” she replied. “I’m your godmother.”

“My…” Alexander started, then his eyes started to close and he almost fell face forward into her arms.

She shoved him back against the rocks. “Keep your eyes open,” she ordered. “Swooning isn’t princely!”

“I’m not…” Alexander began and started to fall forward again.

“Oh for heaven’s sake,” Alika sighed shoving him back against the boulder. “What am I doing? Surely I can fix a little fatigue!”

Alexander’s head suddenly cleared and his energy returned and he leapt up and stumbled backward away from Alika with eyes wide as saucers.

“My godmother?” He exclaimed. He had so many questions. Where had she been all his life? Why was she a beggar now? What kind of a trick was this? Instead of asking any of them, he stood staring at her with his mouth hanging slightly open.

“We’ll explain everything soon enough, Your Majesty,” Alika replied. “For now, I want you to continue on your way until reach the monastery on Cedar Hill. You’ll be safe there.”

Alexander’s expression did not change.

“Don’t be afraid. We’re looking after you, understand?”

Alexander slowly shook his head.

“Excellent! See you soon!” Alika answered and disappeared.


It was dusk when Alexander arrived at the monastery. He was nearly asleep on his feet. He knocked on the door and asked the brother who answered if they had a place for a weary traveler.

The brother let him in and asked him to wait a moment in the courtyard. He leaned against one of the pillars that surrounded the tranquil place and might have fallen asleep right there, if he hadn’t heard a shuffling. He looked up to see a bent old monk crossing the courtyard with a crate full of books. He was thin and frail and Alexander marveled that he was able to lift the box at all.

Alexander forgot his weariness for a moment and approached the man.

“Let me take that for you,” he offered.

The old man smiled warmly. “Thank you, son!”

He tossed the box into his arms. Alexander almost stumbled over backward when he caught it. Did books really weigh so much or was the old monk hiding an anvil in there somewhere?

“This way! This way!” The old man beckoned as he trotted along ahead. Alexander boosted the crate higher in his arms and struggled after him. The monk held a door open and waited for Alexander to catch up.

As Alexander passed him into the room, the old man said: “To what do I owe this honor, My King?”

Alexander turned white and dropped the crate. Its contents scattered in all directions.

“Be careful, Your Majesty,” the monk rebuked. “These manuscripts are priceless.”

“Um… you’re mistaken,” Alexander answered as he scrambled to collect the books. “Not about the books, I mean about me.”

The monk chuckled. “Certainly not, I never forget a face.”

Alexander turned red. He had no idea who the old monk was. He frequently forgot faces and names, and when he did remember them, he’d put the wrong name to the wrong face and embarrassed himself.

“My name is Brother Joseph. I came with the abbot to visit your father a few years ago, though I am sure you don’t remember, we only met briefly.”

“Oh,” Alexander replied, glancing back across the courtyard to the main gate. “So… um… the abbot knows me too?”

“Certainly!” Joseph replied. “He’s a close friend of your father’s. He told us you were going to join us when you were old enough.”

“Ah… right…” Alexander answered crawling under a bench to retrieve a book. “But, um, father got sick, and asked me to wait a year.” He set the book back in the crate. “And then he named me heir, and then he…” Alexander was horrified when he felt a tear on his cheek. “…And then I became king.” He wiped his eye with his wrist and picked up the crate. “Where do you want this?”

The old monk motioned through the door. “Just put them anywhere,” he said.

The door opened onto a little dining room. Alexander dropped the crate on the table and turned toward the door. “Well, brother, if that’s all, I think I’d better get back to…um… running the kingdom.”

“I am not going to hand you over, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Joseph answered.

Alexander paused. News traveled fast.

“How do I know that?” Alexander asked, his cheeks flushing red.

“You don’t,” Joseph answered. “If you’d rather not take the chance, the gate is right over there.” He motioned to the other side of the courtyard.

Alexander was too confused and exhausted to know what to do. He sank down in one of the chairs and buried his head in his hands.

“Why wouldn’t you turn me over? You’ve nothing to gain by protecting me.”

“Because you didn’t kill Justin,” Joseph answered.

“No, I didn’t. But all the other awful things you’ve heard about me are true. I was a terrible king.”

“You readopted the religion of our ancestors and started sacrificing peasants to Dythis?”

“Um, no?”

“You entertained your dinner guests by drowning kittens?”

“Um, what have you heard about me?”

“Lots of things, but since none of them seem to be true, tell me yourself what you did that was so terrible?”

“I was incompetent,” Alexander continued. “When the senate proposed a law, I was paralyzed with indecision. How could I possibly sign something when I didn’t understand its effects? The senate hated me, the people hated me, and rightly so. I failed them.”

“You read everything you signed?” Joseph marveled.

“I haven’t signed anything,” Alexander answered. “I am still working through the first one. It’s twelve hundred pages long.”

“You’re an awful politician,” Joseph smiled. “But I think one day you’ll make an excellent king.”

Alexander lay his head down on the table and closed his eyes.

“Would it be alright if I slept a bit while we are waiting for the guards to come collect me?”  

Joseph chuckled. “Let me go see if they’ve found a bed for you.”


Alexander left early the next morning. He wanted to bid Brother Joseph goodbye, but couldn’t find him anywhere. None of his fellow monks seemed to know where he was, so Alexander left a message with them and departed.

He’d hardly started on his way, when he saw the old man standing in the shade of a cedar. He was accompanied by two others. The first was the woman from the bakery. She was holding a scale. He saw a pile of gold coins on one side, but couldn’t see what was on the other. Whatever it was, must have been very heavy because that side was hanging lower.

The second person, he didn’t recognize… or maybe he did. He stared at her for several long moments before realizing that she was the beggar woman who’d saved him from the Kalathean guards.

She was completely transformed, her old rags replaced with a long white tunica. She was crowned with a golden diadem and clutching a sword in her left hand. Her weary, weather-worn face was now bright and beautiful. She reminded Alexander of one of the ancient goddesses.Alika Lady Justice

The intimidation he felt in her presence the day before was nothing compared to what he felt now.

“Eda, may I please have my scale back?” She was saying.

“No, Alika,” Eda replied scrutinizing the coins. “I’m not finished with it.”

“He’ll be here any moment,” Alika protested.

“You know if you keep this up, the council will expect you to be the justice fairy forever,” Eda warned.

“I like being the justice fairy.”

“I think you’re going to frighten him,” Joseph cautioned.

“Oh I don’t think so,” Alika replied. “Mortals love the theatrics! Look, there he is now!”

She pointed in Alexander’s direction. He turned and tore back toward the monastery.

“Your Majesty! Please wait!” Alika called.

Alexander suddenly found himself frozen mid-stride. He couldn’t move forward, but when he heard her approaching from behind, he found he could turn back toward her.

His face was white and he was trembling from head to foot. He gripped one hand in the other in a futile attempt to stop the shaking, looked Alika in the eye, and said:

“I’ll—I’ll have you know. That I am a Christian, so if it’s worship you want, you’ll have to um… go elsewhere. I am of no use to you so you might as well um,  just let me go, please.”

“He’s adorable,” Eda remarked. “Can we keep him?”

Alika shot her a glare. “We’re not gods, Your Majesty,” she corrected. “We’re fairies.”

Alexander glanced at each of them. “Fairies?”

“Yes, I am Alika the Fairy of Justice.”

“I am Eda, and I like to keep my options open.”

Alika elbowed her in the ribs.

“Fine,” Eda growled. “I am the fairy of…” She twirled her hand in the air, as she tried to decide. “How about prudence?”

“You already know me,” Joseph smiled. “I am the fairy of love.”

Alexander stared at him blankly. He looked exactly the same as he had the evening before: a bent old man, with callused hands, a gentle smile, and a glimmer in his eye.

“You’re the fairy of love?”

Joseph nodded.

Alexander regarded him.

“What were you expecting Aphrodite?” Eda smirked.

“I am so confused,” Alexander complained, then looked back to Alika. “Didn’t you say you were my godmother?”

“Yes, fairies can also be godparents you know,” Alika affirmed. “And that reminds me.”

She sheathed her sword and a wooden box appeared in her hands. She gave it to Alexander. Inside was a candle and a tiny white gown.

“That’s been in my sock drawer for the last sixteen years, it’s time you had it back.”

“Thank you?” Alexander replied.

“And we have a few more gifts for you,” Eda said, holding out the scale so he could see what was outweighing the gold. It was a chain and a single coin.

“Do you recognize them?” Eda asked. “The gold opposite is all the money Fausta offered to the poor in Justin’s name.”

Alexander regarded the items with his brow furrowed.

Br. Joseph Smiling“What does that tell you?” Joseph asked.

“That the chain must be incredibly dense,” Alexander answered, poking it curiously.

“Yes,” Eda sighed.  “Just like a certain king I know.”

“What king?” Alexander asked.

“Why did you give me that chain?” Eda continued, changing the subject.

“I didn’t want to steal, I mean, not when I had something I could give in return,”

“Is that all?”

Alexander shrugged. “I thought someone else might get blamed for taking it.”

“You considered how your actions would affect other people,” Eda asserted. ”And because of that, I am going to give you a swamp.”

“…A swamp?” Alexander asked.

“Yes,” a scroll appeared in Eda’s hand. She gave it to Alexander. “There’s the deed.”

“Thank you,” Alexander replied. In that moment, he decided there wasn’t any point in questioning anything anymore.

“And because you considered my misfortune before your own,” Alika added. “I am going to give you what was taken from you—a good name. From this day forward, you will be known for your wisdom and kindness, not here in Kalathea mind you, but in your new home in Kaltehafen.”

“Kaltehafen?” Alexander mumbled. “Wait a moment, that’s a barbarian kingdom, isn’t it?”

“Don’t worry, Your Majesty. We won’t make you walk there,” Alika smiled.

And just like that, Alexander found himself someplace entirely different. The air was crisp and cold and the sky was blanketed with grey clouds. He was standing in a clearing amidst a forest of towering evergreens. The grass was muddy, and here and there across the clearing and among the trees, he could see frozen pools.

He was grateful to see that his attire had changed to combat frigid weather. Alexander is coldHe had a hat, a warm cloak, a longer tunic and hose. He looked down at himself and realized to his horror that he was dressed like a barbarian. He sighed, at least he was warm. The three fairies remained exactly as they were. How Alika wasn’t freezing to death without sleeves was a mystery to him.

“Welcome home!” Eda smiled gesturing toward a ramshackle house on the edge of the wood. “Inside you’ll find everything you need to get you through the winter. Cozy isn’t it? And it’s only half a day’s walk from the capital city.”

“I am grateful for your help,” Alexander answered, glancing anxiously around the frozen wood.  “But um, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to go quite this far from home.”

“This is the safest place for you,” Alika explained.

“Besides, in the spring, you’ll find there’s gold in this swamp,” Eda smiled. She was looking exceptionally pleased with herself.

Suddenly, a third woman appeared beside Alika.

“Ah, there you are, Alika! I have an urgent message for you from the Fairy High Council,” the newcomer stated.

“I am speaking with a mortal right now, can it wait?”

“Afraid not, the King of the High Elves is threatening to commit genocide again and the Council wants you to talk him out of it.”

“Really? Again?” Alika exclaimed. “He’s just being dramatic you know. He’s not actually going to do it.”

“I’m just the messenger,” the newcomer shrugged. “You’re going to have to take it up with the Council.”

Alika rolled her eyes and grumbled something under her breath. “I am so sorry, Your Majesty. I have to go. Everything is going to be alright, trust me.” She looked to Joseph and said: “Aphrodite, don’t forget to warn him about the twins.” She disappeared.

“Twins?” Alexander asked.

“I’ll explain in a moment,” Joseph said. “But first, I haven’t given you my gift yet! Because you forgot your own weariness to help me, I am going to give you something that will help you love, when love seems impossible.”

Joseph withdrew a worn wooden crucifix from his pocket and placed it in Alexander’s hand.

“Now let’s go inside, we have a lot to talk about.”

There was a fire burning in the little house and the three sat on the floor around it. There, Brother Joseph and Eda did something fairies almost never do. They explained everything.

They told Alexander about how each fairy is tasked with bringing the good out of others and how Jace and Acacia abandoned that mission. They told him of their escape and how the plot to overthrow him was simply another one of their sadistic games.

Alexander listened to the entire story white-faced.

“Can’t you recapture them?” Alexander questioned.  

“When I realized they escaped, I informed the Fairy High Council immediately,” Joseph answered. “They told me they received my concern and would handle the situation promptly.”

“So we probably won’t hear from them for a hundred and fifty years,” Eda grumbled.

Alexander wondered if she was exaggerating. She didn’t seem like she was exaggerating.

“Unfortunately, they aren’t the only rogue fairies on the loose,” Joseph continued. “The council has its hands full.”

Alexander went even paler. “How many—I mean, um, what makes them rebel?”

“Imagine spending your each and every day offering people the opportunity to act selflessly knowing that they won’t,” Eda explained.

“How do you know they won’t?” Alexander asked.

“When you’ve been doing this as long as I have, you can tell,” Eda answered. “Take Alika’s elf king for example. He’s always been a stubborn, conceited, sanctimonious–”

Eda,” Joseph warned.

Eda gave an irritated little sigh. “A thousand years from now he’ll be exactly the same. Alika knows it and yet when the Council says ‘make him see reason’ she dutifully follows orders every single time.”

“How discouraging,” Alexander mumbled.

“You have no idea,” Eda agreed. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t come close to giving up.”

“So why don’t you?” Brother Joseph smiled.

“Because for every hundred selfish souls, there is one person who sincerely longs to do the right thing, and just needs a little help figuring out what that right thing is. Those are the people who make it all worthwhile.”

“Well,” Alexander said. “I hope they assign you someone like that soon.”

A smile flickered across her lips. “I am hopeful, Alexander. I really am.”

They did not explain why they put Alexander in a swamp in Kaltehafen. When he inquired about it, they suddenly became much more fairy like and told him he would have to find out for himself.

To be continued…

 

Ebook Update!

Hi Folks!

I am slowly making all my short stories available for the e-reader of your choice!  I’ve just added Elves vs. Elves and am making it available during a couple of upcoming book funnel promotions!

Here are the links to the promotions. While you are there, be sure browse the other titles in the promotion to see if anything perks your interest:

March Madness Giveaway (Starts March 1st)

Spring Reads Bounty (Starts March 4th)

And if you still want to download Love is in the Air, you can get it during the March 2019 Urban Fantasy Book Fair (Starts March 1st)

Happy reading everyone!