There once was a cowardly hare, Who decided to go to the fair. A small Ferris wheel, Made him tremble and squeal, And frightened him beyond repair.
Thursday Limerick: Sheep
When Jason found he couldn't sleep, He decided to hire some sheep. But they ate up his throw, So he told them to go. And swore 'cause they didn't come cheap.
He should have looked at their Yelp reviews.
Thursday Limerick: The Fly
There once was an intrusive fly, Who simply refused to die. I attempted to kill, But it wouldn’t keep still. It was quick and surprisingly sly.
New Book Release!
Big news!
I’ve just launched my new book, The Canadian Nights.
Description: The president of the United States has a giant red button on his desk. If he ever chose to push this button, it would send the world into chaos. This button is for emergencies only and is designed to break the internet. How do I know this button exists? Please, everyone knows it exists. In The Canadian Nights, this infamous button is pressed while the Canadian prime minister is live streaming a hockey game. Without hockey to vent his pent-up aggression, the Canadian prime minister snaps. He stops saying “please” and “thank you”. He pushes passed people without saying “excuse me”. He even litters. That’s right he drops a gum wrapper on the sidewalk and doesn’t pick it up. Worst of all, he has all US citizens on Canadian soil arrested and declares he will throw one to a horde of angry beavers every day until the President restores the internet. But one brave US citizen, Amala Patel, comes up with a plan to stop the carnage. She volunteers to be the next victim on the condition that the prime minister listen to her tell a story before her mauling. The bored, internet-starved prime minister agrees and becomes so enthralled by her fables that he continually postpones her mauling so he can hear more. The Canadian Nights is a compilation of Amala’s sixteen best fables.
Warning: may contain Canada jokes.
The fables mentioned will be familiar to you if you’ve been following my blog for a while. They include many of the short stories I’ve shared over the past couple of years and include: Elves vs. Elves, Osa and the Food Gods, and more!
The ebook is now available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and BookBaby. Paperback is available through BookBaby.
But wait! There’s more! If you don’t like spending money, you can get a free ebook for a limited time in exchange for an honest review! Sign up here.
Okay, that’s all I’ve got! Please return to your cat videos.
Thursday Limerick: Lock Your Car
When alien’s decided to land, They left their spacecraft unmanned. Teens entered the ship, And took it for a trip, Which is not what the aliens planned.
Thursday Limerick: Bad Match
A parrot named Polly was wed, To an old vulture named Fred. But Fred was not rich, So she decided to ditch, And she packed up her things and fled.
Poor Fred. </3
Thursday Limerick: Expensive Taste
The ducks at the lake were all fed, A diet of crumbly bread. They found it a bore, And petitioned for more, And were given fish eggs instead.
Only the most expensive caviar would do.
Thursday Limerick: Don’t drink and drive.
A gnome went to happy hour, But it made his stomach feel sour. He called his friend Jerome, To get a ride home, And then took a freezing cold shower.
Don’t drink and drive. Even if the thing you’re driving is a giant snail.
…What does a snail look like when it’s swerving?
…Could a gnome really be injured if it were hit by a snail?
…What do police snails look like? Are they faster than normal snails?
I shouldn’t have written this one. I broke my own brain.
Thursday Limerick: Nevada
I write too many limericks about California and Washington. Here’s a limerick about (rolls dice) Nevada:
Suddenly Vegas is there. It came out of the sand from nowhere. If you brought a buck, You can try out your luck, But don’t complain it isn’t fair.
Thursday Limerick: One Stop Shop
When the doctor looked at her chart, He said Bernice needed a heart. But where could she find, An organ of that kind? She lucked out at her local Walmart.
They really have everything, don’t they? If she was in the Northwest, she could have tried Fred Meyer.
The Fables of Para Sympan 