Osa and the Masked Heretic

Osa whimpered as she sniffed the carnage on the grass beside the Bin Supreme. The Bin Supreme was the tallest of all the sacred bins in the house of the gods, Rodriguez. Every week, God Juan would collect the offerings from the smaller bins throughout his dwelling place and take them outside to the Bin Supreme. Then, God Juan would drag the Bin Supreme to the small strip of grass that divided his realm from the street. There, once a week, the Green Devourer would pass, consuming all the offerings. 

Tango the parrot had once explained to Osa that if the gods neglected to give weekly offerings to the Green Devourer, it would become angry and consume the gods themselves along with all their household. 

It was for this reason, Goddess Kimberly was always reminding God Juan to bring out the offering. Yet, despite all her warnings, God Juan once forgot. While Green Devourer showed them mercy for their slip, Goddess Kimberly was furious with God Juan and reprimanded him most sternly for almost bringing ruin upon them all. 

Now, observing the contents of the Bin Supreme strewn around the grass, Osa’s stomach flopped. Who had done this awful thing? What if the Green Devourer became angry? 

She decided to take her concern to the high priest Tango. When the parrot heard about the desecrated offering, his face became grave.

“This is the work of the masked heretics,” Tango explained. 

“Heretics?” Osa whimpered. 

“They come at night, desecrate the sacred bins, and spew heresy about the gods.” 

“About the gods?” Osa whimpered, her ears perking up. 

“Indeed,” Tango said. “The masked heretics claim that the Gods Juan and Kimberly are distant gods creating food, but not desiring a personal relationship with them.”

Osa was shocked. 

“But the gods rub my ears, and say I am a good dog,” Osa proclaimed. “How can the masked heretics claim they are distant gods?” 

“No one knows for sure,” Tango said. “The evil one probably fills their heads with lies. Those who are capable of desecrating the Bin Supreme are capable of believing anything.”

Osa whimpered. By “the evil one” Tango might have meant the rug demon, the grass-eating demon, or the most evil demon of them all–Veterinarian. Osa did not ask for clarification because speaking of the demons frightened her.

Despite her fears, however, she decided it was best to keep watch over the Bin Supreme that evening to make sure the masked heretics didn’t return to wreak more havoc. 

As Juan and Kimberly stared into the sacred light box that evening, Osa waited by the translucent portal to Backyard until one of them noticed her and allowed her to pass through. Her nose swept back and forth across the grass as she struggled to pick up any heretical scent.

Despite all the lovely aromas that billowed from the Bin Supreme, she managed to detect a musk that could only belong to a heretic. Yes, they were nearby and perhaps would return soon to steal the offering. 

Just as the last of the sunlight disappeared, the scent became stronger, and Osa looked up to see one walking along the top of the fence. The masked heretic was sort of like a cat, but larger with a striped tail and a longer nose. 

Osa considered barking at the heretic to scare him off, but then she began to wonder if she could correct its heretical thinking and make it a true follower of Gods Juan and Kimberly. 

“Masked one!” she called out. “Why do you desecrate the Bin Supreme?” 

The creature froze. 

“I’m NOT stealing anything!” it exclaimed.

“You are!” Osa objected. “You are trying to steal the offering!” 

“Nope!” the masked heretic objected. It tried to turn, but this was difficult to do with such a round body perched in such a precarious way on the fence top.

“Wait!” Osa called. “I mean you no harm! In fact, I wish to save you from the wrath of the Green Devourer! Why do you consume his offering?” 

The masked heretic paused and turned back toward her. 

“The Green Devourer?” 

“Yes! The giant beast that moves on round legs and eats from this Bin Supreme!” 

“Ah! You mean the Green Spirit of Plenty!” 

“Green Spirit of Plenty?” Osa questioned, cocking her head. 

“Indeed!” the masked heretic nodded. “That creature carries the food from this bin to the Eternal Mountains of Abundance and leaves it there for us to consume, but so generous is he that even as he takes the food, he spills some on the ground for those who cannot make the journey. The Green Spirit of Plenty is good to us.” 

Osa began to tremble. What lies had Veterinarian whispered into this creature’s ear that led him to believe the Green Devourer was a benevolent spirit? 

Perhaps this masked heretic was vulnerable to such lies because he lived outside the loving realm of Juan and Kimberly. Perhaps if he came into the embrace of their home and received their loving head scratches and belly rubs, he would cease to believe such nonsense. 

“I know of better gods,” Osa said. “Loving gods who will give you food and tell you you’re a good boy. Come into their realm.” Osa looked over her shoulder at the house. 

The masked heretic flattened his ears as he looked at the house. 

“You speak of the Pizza Makers,” the racoon hissed.

“Pizza Makers?” Osa asked. 

“The two legged gods who create the most tasty things for the bins,” the heretic said. “I adore the Pizza Makers, but dare not approach them. They are distant gods who grow angry at my approach.”

“No!” Osa objected. “They are not distant gods! They are loving personal gods! Come near to them and receive their rubs.”

“You may dare to approach the Pizza Makers, but I do not!” the masked heretic explained. “I accept their gifts from the bin with gratitude.” 

The masked heretic took a few awkward steps toward the Bin Supreme. Osa remembered the scene from that morning–the offering strewn across the yard. She imagined the Green Devourer consuming Juan and Kimberly…

“No!” Osa barked. “Do not touch the Bin Supreme! Lest the Green Devourer consume us all!” 

“You speak nonsense,” the masked heretic objected and jumped right on top of the holy bin. 

It was now or never. Although she wanted to save the masked heretic’s soul, the fate of the universe depended on her protecting the Bin Supreme. She jumped toward the masked heretic growling and barking until he jumped from the lid with a dexterity remarkable for his girth.

Osa heard the sliding of the translucent portal and the Goddess Kimberly calling her. She turned and trotted inside, gratefully receiving Kimberly’s head pats. Perhaps, someday soon, she would encounter the masked heretic again. Perhaps then, she could finally convince him to change his thinking. But for now, she had protected the Bin Supreme and saved the universe. 

She was such a good girl.